My DP doesnt want sex at bedtime

[AmIBadlyAdjusted]

NC for this. I've been with my DP for about 3 years now. We don't live together but he stays over at mine at weekends and 2 or 3 times in the week. Basically he only wants sex between about 4pm and 6:30 pm, i.e. when he gets back from work. We've only had sex at bedtime twice, once was the first time we slept together on a weekend away, and the other time about 6 months later.

We always have a cuddle in bed before we fall asleep, but if we begin to get aroused he'll say stuff like, 'now don't start all that, I need to go to sleep', which used to make me feel a bit rejected and hurt, but I just accept it now :-(

As a bit of background, I'm 50, he's 40. I work part time in the mornings. He's a manual worker, doesnt eat during the day, and we have a meal around 8ish and he's falling asleep by 9ish. We go to bed quite soon after that.

I don't mind sex during the day occasionally, but now the initial 'honeymoon' phase has worn off, I find I have to psych myself up for it :-( I much prefer to just fall asleep after DTD, I don't really want to be getting up and about again afterwards. This is beginning to get to me, we don't have sex very often due to this (on my part) and I don't know what to do about it.

If you have sex in the day time whats happening to your kids? Do they not hear? Do you wash the sex smell off you or just wash your hands and get dressed back again?
I like a shower before bed so im clean for sex then shower in the morning. If i had sex in the day time thats a third shower of the day which is fine in summer but otherwise too much laundry.
Also my nice make up and hair, all the accessories I wore will be messed or taken off then put back on. I hope my next husband is a bed time baddie.

No bedtime sex here either
Sunday morning lie ins!

Bedtime is off for me as sex energises me (even foreplay) and I am awake all night.

I would say he needs to be more flexible not completely strike off sex at night. I find that the type of sex I have differs with the time of the day and time we have! My partner and I usually have sex on a Tuesday morning after the school run as well as on weekends. Yesterday morning it didn’t happen as he thought I was still on my period but when I let him know that wasn’t the case, last night was on despite us both having very early starts - thought of going without for 5 days as we won’t see each other was too much! I’ve woken up tired but very happy!

I need my sleep far too much to have sex at bedtime!!!! ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz. Seriously, ask me any other time of the day and I'm good to go but my sleep is sacred!

This is an awkward one. Clearly regardless of whether a person is male or female, nobody should be having sex when they don’t want to. He does appear to be quite hard line/no exceptions on it though.

That said, one reason a lot of couples get into a rut is because sex becomes something they “do” when they go to bed, it can become a bit like cleaning your teeth, and almost passion free.

Personally, l prefer day time sex, l enjoy the spontaneity and the fact l am very alert, rather than being sleepy. Certainly on work nights bed is usually “sleeping bed” as opposed to “sex bed”. I’m also up very early on work mornings.

l doubt if his eating regime is working for either of you either.

I think you need to question your sexual compatibility, or whether it’s time to move on. Otherwise things will only get worse.

Men create testosterone overnight and it drops off during the day.

If he is 40 a manual worker, not eating much during the day and having a big evening meal that’s all affecting his libido in a negative way unfortunately, as others say eating pattern might be an issue, can you eat earlier than 8 ?