I just can't get along with MIL

[dingdong2022]

Since having my little girl I just can not stand being around my MIL, it all started when I was pregnant and all she did was make everything about herself. She would buy prams, cots, baths etc just for her house, I think I was maybe 12 weeks pregnant? My mum threw me a quiet bbq instead of a baby shower as I just don't like the faff, mil was invited and afterwards tried organising another baby shower as this one was 'boring'. She has always has always been possessive of my husband, but in a very subtle way, for example, if he buys me flowers he has to tell her they are for our daughter incase it upsets her. I had 3 miscarriages before my little girl and I never really told anyone other than my mum and mil, my mil told most people that would listen, even people at her place of work. So now you have a bit of a picture of what she's like.
MIL is greatly jealous of the time
My mum spends with my little girl, this is purely because I see my mum/family a lot, where as husband never organises anything with his. There are constant comments about the fact they will 'see her in another 6 months' or 'she doesn't like me because she doesn't know me' every time with go round, which honestly just makes me want to stay away even more. Every time I go round I am told how much she isn't like me, it is all 'oh you love daddy' 'daddy is your favourite' constantly and I'm just sat there like 🤗

When she was born mil bought a balloon round that said 'number 1 dad' but was adamant mine had popped hahaha

She constantly wants her round for 1 on 1 time which I do not understand. She is constantly breaking boundaries regarding baby's pictures being shown to certain family members. She is a very exhausting woman.

Another reason they do not see her is that, despite claiming she is severely disabled and can't get out of bed most days, she has been on 8 holidays since baby was born a year and a half ago, 5 of these times they have come back with Covid. So after being on holiday for a week to two weeks, they can not see baby as they are poorly. Yet I am still the bad guy that doesn't bring baby to them every 5 seconds. The woman just constantly victimizes herself and guilts everyone around her and I just can not take it.

Not really looking for advice, just an anonymous rant hahaha

She sounds dreadful. Id go LC and leave DH to deal with her and if she makes remarks i’d make a snippy one back

Let dh deal with visits to hers, you can go out and do your own thing. She sounds very difficult and no woman was ever going to be good enough for her boy.
He shouldn't be lying about the flowers though, best be honest if she askes.
I get why she feels put out about not being so involved with dgd, but that's her sons fault, he needs to sort things out with her. It's not your problem. Her jealousy is missed placed.

I had a similar experience with my MIL when I had my first. She suddenly became very intrusive, I felt harassed by her to the point I spent each day of Mat leave hiding from her and having to ignore insane numbers of phone calls a day asking me to account for every movement. Huffed when she had to go a week without seeing my child. Did weird stuff such as wearing matching outfits with my child, and wanting to buy the “first” everything. My family weren’t in the same country. It was awful - she did all the same thing as yours with personal information and photos etc. was a nightmare.

this was a long time ago and ultimately because she pushed the boundaries so hard and so many times, i just withdrew and now we don’t really see her much at all. There’s a really good Instagram page called “millenniummatleave” that’s really good and can help validate your experience

Not an easy relationship for either of you.

Perhaps some grown up arrangements and communication are needed, led by your DH so that he and his family see more of their DGD.

Try and resolve rather than criticise.

She sounds like my mother a classic narcissist. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do except go L or NC. I’d stop sending pictures, don’t arrange meet ups, tell your DH your done, you won’t be putting up with her any more, any comments from her you Grey rock & walk away. Your DH can deal with her, if he’s dosnt have your back, you need to rethink your marriage. You have to think about your DD, when she’s older she’s going to be around a woman who undermines and puts her mother down, you don’t want her exposed to this.

I’ve similar MIL. Intrusive at times. Also afraid to let her know when I m off work. She will then invite herself over. Now I m preg, upcoming 6 months Mat leave. I m anticipating she thinks I m only doing childcare and may self invite.

OP, keep a good distance from MIL to keep you sane. Yea, vent it off here and move on with your life.

You have every right to step back as much as possible OP. Sounds like a nightmare but I Do think it's ridiculous your OH lies about who the flowers are for!!!! That would rile me up just as much as his mother!

I had to laugh at the no. 1 dad balloon and yours popping! That's just pure evil but quite amusing.

Yes low contact. My own mother is very difficult. I dont tell her much now. Its hard work op