Cheating? Am I silly to stay?

[HollyRichardson]

Hello!
I feel really lost and don’t know what to do.
I caught my husband inappropriately messaging a woman he works with a few months ago. Up until that point I really never ever thought he would cheat. We carried on and he promised he wouldn’t do anything like that again -says it never went further than a stupid message and he would ever cheat on me.
However, I was on the App Store on his phone downloading a relationship app ironically and noticed that Tinder showed to have been downloaded. That led me to check his app downloads and back in 2017 (literally just after we got married) he had downloaded several affair/chat and video apps to meet people (Tinder it turns out was from before we met).
I don’t want to believe he could do that to me but after the messages to the woman in work and I have seen messages a few years ago too on instagram that weren’t appropriate so now I suppose I have to face it right?
what do I do? Any advice?

It sounds to me like he's had one foot out the door from the beginning. If it were me, I'd be planning my exit and making sure I kept any evidence of infidelity. Sorry OP it doesn't look good at all

Personally I think that once a man stops respecting you and breaks your trust then the relationship is naturally over. Many people do limp on but it's never the same. You can never feel cherished.

I'd never be able to trust him again, maybe you can everyone is different but it's something only you can decide.

He had an opportunity to show true remorse and demonstrate his committment to change when you caught him a few months ago.

With the recent discoveries, it's clear that he has not been fully committed to reconciliation. You cannot trust him to be transparent. That would be the nail in the coffin for me, and I'm saying that as someone who let their husband stay after a physical affair.

Sorry OP, he's a cheater will most likely not change. Time to leave, you deserve better.

Hey OP, sorry you are going through this hell. It’s not easy to make the decision to stay or leave. My sister who I am very close to has a partner who has betrayed her multiple times and they have reconciled. I am very close to her so have seen it all happen in real time.

the time is now for your partner to commit to giving you the full story. He’s lied in the past about the extent probably because he is scared of the consequences. There is something broken in him. People who have affairs also don’t think straight! You don’t have to make a decision now.

it took a while for my sister’s husband to get his head out of his arse. He had been to a therapist for unrelated things before but he started with someone new to tackle his multiple infidelity. My sister also started counselling and through this it helped her decide what she wanted to do. She decided to reconcile mostly because their relationship was great aside from the infidelity and they were aligned in every other way. He had this other side to him, like I said, a broken human.
If he had been a useless husband she would have kicked him out on his arse I am sure of it.

sending good wishes to you OP whatever you decide.