I’m hoping you lovely lot can give me some advice.
I’ve been married to DH for 15 years, been together for 25 years (I’m 43, him 50).
Two years into our relationship, he checked out and didn’t want sex as much. I found out he was using web cams and had a porn addiction. I tried to break off the relationship, he begged forgiveness and promised to not do it again. I took him back.
The years that followed, we still had a problem in the bedroom - he still didn’t want much sex with me. One day I looked at his bank statements, I saw a subscription charge. He was still using web cam chat rooms with these women. This was about five years after the first time. So I called him out on it. He promised he would never do it again. I believed him.
We get married. I get pregnant, we move to a house. Our sex life was good when we had it but “when” we had it is the point. We didn’t have it often because he was just not interested. One year we had sex twice. I was completely rejected at every turn. We did not have sex on my honeymoon. I only have one child because not only have I got endometriosis but because he would not have sex during my window of opportunity.
In August 2022, my spidey senses were obviously on overdrive as he was trying to sort something out on his phone. He told me that he wasn’t going to tell me about it because I was obviously paranoid and would think something is going on, but it wasn’t.
Basically he got a notification from Royal Mail, informing him that the parcel he ordered from the Perfume Shop had been delivered to a neighbour in Eastbourne (we live in Essex). But he said he hadn’t sent a parcel to Eastbourne, his phone number must have been entered by mistake by whoever did order that parcel and he was on the phone trying to sort out why he got this notification. I believed him.
Then, the following Christmas Eve, he got another notification from Royal Mail, another perfume delivery to the same address in Eastbourne. So must have been the same error.
We don’t have a joint bank account (he has never wanted me to share his bank account). He is not financially abusive by the way, but whenever I ask to share the account he makes excuses.
He had to send me his bank statement to send re our mortgage application for a house move. I had a snoop and in the November between those two perfume deliveries there was a transaction on his debit card that read;
Southern Eastbourne R £24.71
It’s was a Tuesday, a day he should have been at work.
I think it looks like a railway ticket (I can’t be sure on that) but the value isn’t high enough?? You can get a train to Eastbourne direct from London Victoria. When I looked at the map to where the perfume delivery was from the train station…it’s about 2 miles. But surely a train ticket would be more money?
Im not sure if the above is innocent or not.
Over the last 12 months, our sex life has increased in frequency because I have basically said I’m at the end of my rope but the effort has not been good.
I basically service his needs and he does fuck all for me. He lays back and I do all the work.
This morning I was asleep alone in the bedroom and his Apple Watch vibrated and he literally dashed in the bedroom like a rocket to grab it because he didn’t want me to see what it was.
He isn’t secretive with his phone normally. He is a good guy, hard working and normally loyal and has a lot of integrity.
I know reading this back May paint a different picture, am I being gaslit here??
Please help me see sense if that’s the case x