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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like giving up on people

2 replies

BadgerBadge · 05/02/2024 11:52

All my life I feel like I’ve been let down and betrayed by people. I think I’m a good person and good company and treat my friends, family and romantic partners well. But it is rarely reciprocated.

Over the course of my life, I’ve had a few ‘best friends’ but it’s always ended with me walking away after they’ve done something intolerable. The last one ended because she got with my ex immediately after we’d separated. I'm trying really hard to put myself back out there and make new friends but I’m realising that people just don’t seem to care about me in the same way I care about them.

I recently organised a free activity for a group of us which everyone was up for but then all cancelled on the day and I went by myself. I lent some money to another and now she’s completely ignoring me, I’m guessing to avoid paying me back even though I said there was no rush for it. Then I asked for a small favour from another friend who I’ve helped out loads over the years and he let me down after agreeing to do it. This has all been over the last couple of weeks but I have lots of examples going back decades.

I‘m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me or if it’s just people in general. Luckily, I’m very independent and pretty introverted (although I’m outgoing and friendly when in company) so enjoy my own company but it’s still nice to have people to care about and have care about you, perhaps to lean on during hard times. But I wonder if I should just give up on people now.

I'm not sure if anyone has any advice for me, it’s been helpful to put my thoughts somewhere.

OP posts:
HopeInAJar · 05/02/2024 12:55

We sound very similar and I too feel like I've given up on people! You sound like you really invest in relationships but only get crumbs in return. Are you a people pleaser by any chance? Fwiw, I've found by stepping back and matching someone's energy (i.e if they don't prioritise me and my time, I don't prioritise them in return) people seem to respect me more for it! It's a horribly cynical and transactional way of being though and doesn't sit well with me - but the alternative is being a doormat and feeling used and abused.

Mermaidsarereal · 05/02/2024 14:09

It sounds as though you need to drop all of these friends, they seem to be walking all over you! Make sure you get your money back and make it clear you won't be doing that again. You sound like a really nice person, it makes me so angry when people take advantage of good people who are just trying to be a good friend to someone.

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