Hi all, I'm not sure how to approach this, a few different options seem open, and would appreciate a bit of external input.
I do struggle a bit with relationships/friendships and knowing how to strike the balance between being a good friend and not being taken advantage of, so would very much appreciate some input from other people, as I just don't know where this fits.
I have what I thought was a close friend who lives some distance away. The last time I saw her was last May when I drove over and as part of a day out, met up with her for an hour or two.
I invited her to stay for a weekend which she seemed really enthusiastic about but then went quiet and it didn't happen.
Anyway a couple of weeks ago she mentioned she was coming over this month. I thought she was coming over for the day or something, but on Saturday just gone she let me know she was here for a week right now and could I meet her on Tuesday.
I work from home and Monday and Tuesday are work days, I said this and suggested Wednesday. Yes that was fine, we chatted about what we'd do and I was really looking forward to it.
This morning she messaged me and said that in addition to family coming over later on Tuesday (which I knew) she now had family coming over for the morning and through lunch. She said I was welcome to join them but she could meet me Friday instead.
I already had a couple of things on, so I couldn't. She is now suggesting I come for lunch on Tuesday to meet another friend who is currently staying with them and who leaves tomorrow lunchtime.
My feelings right now are that I'm hurt because she only told me on Saturday that she was here, hurt at being dropped on the Wednesday, and hurt that despite knowing I have to work on Tuesday she's not respecting that and obviously thinks I can just not work on Tuesday and do what I have to do on Wednesday.
But she knows that I have an important Friday deadline and that I'll be stressed if I don't knuckle down and get as much done as I can these first two days, and that by leaving it to do on Wednesday, I'm going to be cutting it a bit fine if it turns out to be more work than I thought.
I don't know what to say to her. I feel that yes, at a pinch, I could change work around and see her tomorrow, but I also feel that she's not prioritised me and that I'd feel resentful prioritising her like that. Truthfully I don't want to go now because I think this would be in the back of my mind all the time.
She has said she's tried to see too many people, and that everyone she's asked over for walks/lunch/etc is staying much longer than she thought they would and that she's really messed things up. But she's also said she mentioned the holiday to everyone else in November. So I feel like a last minute oh shit, better ask her to meet up kind of thing, that she expected to be available whenever. She sees her other friend and her family really regularly and last saw everyone I've mentioned in this post about three weeks ago over where she lives.
My natural inclination is to say no, and accept the friendship isn't what I thought, and to consequently spend less time on it (we currently message several times a day and share very close friends type of things with each other.) But I could be wrong to think this, it definitely wouldn't be the first time! Like I said I struggle with this kind of thing.
Thank you.