I don't know if this is the right place to do this, I just don't know what to do 😥
My partner and I (both male) have been together approx. 6 months. Now we're both fairly new to relationships, I was single 7 years prior to this one, and this is his first proper relationship.
My trouble is, I don't feel like I'm his boyfriend, just another friend with the added bonus of occasional sex, which also is very one sided. I think we left the honeymoon period too early...well he did. But there never seems to be much effort from his side to forward or even participate in the relationship, and his friends always take precedence over me.
We live quite far apart (about 3-4 hrs drive), and I try to go down as much as I can, but it's never reciprocated the other way around, even when I offer to pay for train tickets for him to come up, there is a reason he can't every time. It's always me driving down to see him...and inevitably his housemate, which is a whole other issue.
There is just no effort from him, it's always me making the effort in romantic gestures like hugging or kissing, or deciding to see each other, and making plans to do things when visiting. But from him it's just this "go with the flow" attitude and not really contributing.
And when I do make the arrangements to do things, it's never received as exciting to him, just usually a "sounds good", or "sure" response.
Even this morning, he is having issues with his house and works done in it and becoming quite upset about it. So, I offered him to come up here for a few days to get away from it and cheer up...that was refused. So, I offered to go down at the weekend to see him...that was also refused.
Then there are his friends, now I'm not saying he can't have friends, nor should I replace them...but they 100% take priority in his life. Numerous times i've tried to make plans but fall short of him doing things with his friends without being invited, or even a suggestion of wanting me to be there. He always seems to be happier around his friends than he does with me, and more responsive to doing things and planning days out etc. And especially when it comes to his housemate, she began living with him about 2 months into our relationship and is just always "there", never leaves him along following him around the house, placing herself between us on the sofa, and just generally always being there in some capacity. Worst thing is, I have the suspicion she is using him to live for peanuts in his house. Oh, didn't mention she was present on the WHOLE of our first date and wouldn't leave.
All combined, it's like he doesn't want to see me, or perhaps even not want to be with me. He is quite shy so wondered if everything was okay in the relationship, so I asked him: "How do you think things are going with us?", and the response I got was genuinely "ok". Naturally, a red flag in my eyes but he just said everything was going ok. Now I'm wondering if he doesn't want to be with me as boyfriends, but his shyness if preventing him from breaking up.
I feel like I'm faced with the question of "What do I do?" which I'm hoping someone can help with, do I...
- Confront him about it, tell him how I feel and request more effort
- Talk to one of his friends who I get along with well
- Ignore it all and carry on hoping one day it'll drop
- End the relationship
I'm not expecting a definitive answer, and maybe you'll think I'm just overthinking. I just need some guidance on this as I'm getting really upset and don't really know what to do.
Thank you all.