Toxic loyalty

[Deepfive]

Sorry this is complicated so I appreciate some words of support.
My nephew (adult) has been charged with a serious crime and my sister is an absolute stalwart in his support. I’ll be honest and admit that I thought that he was likely guilty of the charges as soon as I heard, but that’s probably not too relevant.

My sister was over last night and we had more wine than we should have and she did get weepy and admitted that she herself thought that he was guilty but that she could never stop supporting him. She also provided part of his alibi knowing it was false.

I know that this isn’t about me but I feel awful about it all. My sister is pumping money into this situation and she too thinks that he did it. It’s also a very horrible thing he did, not “just” a handbag robbery or so. I feel horrible for my sister and also for the injured party who might not get justice.

I don’t have children myself so I appreciate that I probably can’t comprehend the bond but I feel so conflicted about all of it. I know that it would be for the best if he got a severe sentence but I know my sister won’t be persuaded to go there.

You can be supportive in things such as visiting someone in prison, attending court, for example, without agreeing or supporting the crime that has been committed.

It's a difficult emotional situation! Saying that, in some ways it's still quite simple; there is a distinction between loving someone & being an emotional support on the one hand and not endorsing behaviour on the other.
I don't know what your sister has said to her son - I'm sure she conversations with him were really tough and (speculation) I wouldn't be surprised if he strong armed her to support him (either via threats - which she dismissed as a sign of his being emotionally all over the place - or pleas for help as otherwise she'd be the reason he was going to be locked away). He has put her in a horrible place but that still doesn't mean that her endorsing him is correct, it's only an explanation.

I'm sorry to say it but she is now actively doing the victim wrong by condoning her son's behaviour to the point of perjuring herself which could get her into serious trouble as well as an accessory after the fact.

think about how much your nephew doesn't care about his mum that hes not stopping to look after HER.

Providing an alibi for him is vile.