I ended it why does it hurt so much?

[OscarTheOtter]

This might sound like a stupid question but how do I know whether I’m upset because ending a relationship is hard, or because I do love him but it was never going to work out or because I’ve genuinely made the wrong decision?

I ended it for a mixture of reasons. A big one being that he has previously got very jealous, dealt with it very badly (cheating accusations and asking me not to post certain things online) and really upset me. He says all that is in the past and he’s in a better place now but he understands if he’s messed it up and it’s his fault.

I thought about it for a long time before I said anything. And I chickened out of saying anything for a very long time (was this because I didn’t really want to end it?) but I now I feel bereft.

But it really, really hurts and I don’t know if I’ve made a huge mistake.

I don’t really know how I expect anyone to be able to advise but I think I just had to get that out somewhere. I have no one to talk to in real life.

Its thinking about how it could have been, but it wasn’t.

It’s tricky. I mean if he’s the jealous type then that behaviour might have grown worse.

OTOH it could have been a one off - did he stop after you asked him to?

It went on for a long time. Recently it did feel like he’d turned a corner but I feel like it’s too late? But I didn’t expect to feel this gutted either.

I’ve never an actually broken up with anyone. Only had two relationships (both long term) and my ex ended things. So I suppose it’s taken me by surprise.

It hurts because in a lot of ways, he will have been right for you, and you have said goodbye to all those things, as well as the parts you didn't want.

70% right isn't good enough, but you still have to say goodbye to a lot of good stuff, in that decision.

You're going through withdrawal right now. That's why it's so painful.

Whether the connection was good or bad, you still bonded very significantly with this person. And then you go into acute withdrawal when you don't see them.

Thanks everyone. This all makes a lot of sense. I don’t want to think I’ve made a mistake, ask him to take me back only to realise I made the right choice to start with.

People are right that in a lot of ways it was really right. But the ways it was wrong were bad. I think he’s hoping I’ll see he’s serious that he’s realised he got stuff wrong but I just think I need to stick to my guns. I ended it for a reason.