What is happening to me?

[Otter2108]

Hoping for someone to talk sense into me.

I'm a mum of 2 children and been with my husband for 16 years. Recently a man from my past has popped into my head. He wasn't a boyfriend but someone who I had a thing with for about 6 months. I met him when I was 18 and he was 24, I had butterflies everytime I saw him, I absolutely adored him. I think the feeling was mutual but i dont know what happened, i heard he'd said i was too young for him. I saw a picture of him on Facebook recently and it's set off all these questions in my head. He still lives in the same area that I grew up in, I don't I moved about an hour away when I was 21. I know he got married to a woman not long after our 6 month thing and I feel gutted about it and feel I need to know why he didn't want all that with me. It feels like it's unresolved. He's in his 40s now and I'm nearly 40.

Last time I saw him was when I was pregnant with my first child, we didn't speak but he wouldn't take his eyes off me.

I keep replaying our time together in my mind and I feel like I want to accidentally bump into him. I don't even know why, I have unresolved questions.

He was a bad boy, I was a good girl. My life would've been so different if I'd got with him. I've got a fantastic life, healthy happy kids, loving husband, wealthy and great career, amazing home. If I'd got with him I can say I'd certainly not have the career I have (police), would've been stuck in the area I was from (terrible crime, schools, quality of life, pub life). So I have no idea where all this regret is coming from. If he'd asked me to be with him forever I would've.

I could 'bump' into him if I really wanted to but I just can't understand WHY I wanna do this. It sounds pathetic even reading ilthis back to myself. He wasn't a boyfriend, and it was only for a short time but I had a huge 'thing' for him. Even seeing a photo of him now sends butterflies in my stomach, sounds odd even to me... after so long and not a real relationship.

Whats happening? Anyone had the same feeling?
Tia

How are things with Dh?

Everything is fine, a bit of stress with both of us with work, kids, house reno but no stress in the relationship.

It's nostalgia, it's bringing back those irrational young feelings of first love/lust where you can't imagine not being with someone, it's all consuming. You never had the chance for the relationship to run it's course so your mind is stuck at that stage when it comes to him.

It sounds a lovely fantasy but the reality would be a big let down I would think.

This.

It's also 'safe' because (I presume) you aren't going to accidentally bump into him even though you say you could or you would have done so already.

It's your brain just processing really.

Thanks, Would you say this is a normal feeling? Something that people go through?

It's feeling a bit stale with your husband and it's you bodies way of saying you still have desire and excitement in there but you're not getting it from where you're supposed to, so it's forming an attachment to him, the last man you felt strongly sexual for. Although you know it would be a very bad idea to do anything about it, just see it as a fantasy.

Yes I had the same thing when I was married, although strangely now, the guy I always fancied never crosses my mind now I'm free and single, he was no good, the very thought is very unappealing if I had the chance.

It probably would be.

It's a mid life thing. If things are well with your marriage and your family then leave the past where it belongs and step away from the Facebook.

It's tempting to have a little nosey now and again, but if it's starting to become a drive to engineer bumping into him, then I'd put it down.

I think this is it. I miss excitement from my youth. There's nothing wrong with my husband and we are comfortable and happy with each other but I think I'm missing my past and all the fun I had before life became grown up and sensible.

It's the excitement and danger that's attractive to you - and unrequited Lust.

It can be addictive. It's why people like being scared/thrilled, why they dive with sharks, base jump, ride roller coasters.

Bad Boys also have that allure with some women. Life would never be staid or dull with them - or safe, secure, trusted.

@Otter2108 he could tell you absolutely anything but how would you know it is true? What difference would it make? He wasn't even a boyfriend.

I think just keep reminding yourself it's a fantasy - sometimes our minds just play these tricks on us.

Can you maybe find ways to make your life more fun? 'Date nights' with DH, hooking up with other people you haven't seen in a while and things like that?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Completely normal to the point of being a bit boring. You had a crush that remained a fantasy. It's the best relationship you'll never have.