Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is there something wrong with me?!

42 replies

itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 14:44

I'm a frequent poster but have name changed as with my other posts it would be outing Smile

Will try not to make this war and peace (I promise)

Split with ex DH 2 years ago. Marriage was happy until the last 2 years, we had children, he cheated a number of times and was, as it transpired, a compulsive liar.

After we split I focused on motherhood and didn't date properly for more than a year. First "relationship" of significance was with someone who I found hugely physically attractive, the sex was incredible, but he was an emotional head f*ck often lying and blowing hot and cold. This ended after 6 months and if I'm honest hit me hard.

I've vowed to set my standards higher and not entertain men who can't show emotional maturity and treat me well.

A couple of months ago I got speaking to a guy online and we texted for a while before eventually meeting a couple of weeks ago. The first date was fun and we agreed to meet again this weekend. Saw him yesterday , we met at his before heading out for dinner and when I arrived there he had got me all of my favourite snacks and foods that I had mentioned in passing the past few months... it was sweet but I was really taken aback.

As the evening went on, he was continually complimenting me, to the point that I felt uncomfortable, kept saying things like "where have you been my whole life" and throwing the word "love" about...

He also made a few comments about how he bets my inbox is full of men messaging me (it's not!) and remarked that he assumed I'd been really promiscuous since my marriage ended (I haven't!).

It felt really intense, the constant compliments and admiration, and he seemed really keen to talk about plans for the future... which again is what I thought I wanted but I felt overwhelmed! We both have young children so spare time is limited and he said he thought we might have our first argument sometime about how we can't see each other enough.

It's ironic because my past relationship I would have given anything for a few more compliments, but to this extent it felt overwhelming.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I subconsciously only attracted to men who breadcrumb and hold back emotionally, or would anyone else find this overwhelming? Starting to think I need to pause on the dating for now....

OP posts:
Original poster
itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 16:06

@ginasevern he'll be waiting a while for a housekeeper out of me! I can barely keep on top of my own housework WinkGrin

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/02/2024 16:13

Then he was saying that he's going to treat me like a princess and spoke as if he's going to rescue me and show me a life I've never had before. As above, I am perfectly self sufficient and don't need rescuing and I said this to him and his response was "you just haven't been shown how you deserve to be treated yet and I'm going to give it to you"

I'd have curled up with embarrassment listening to that. Where DOES he get his chat up lines from? someone needs to tell him that treating women like silly little girls who don't know where their best interests lie is not going to appeal.

Original poster
itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 16:17

Jennyjojo5 · 04/02/2024 15:56

No disrespect but if if you’ve only experienced just 2 guys like this whilst newly trying dating, you’re in for a big shock as the majority are like this!

Eeek! I'll give up now then! Would much prefer my own company than more of this nonsense!!!

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 04/02/2024 16:20

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/02/2024 16:13

Then he was saying that he's going to treat me like a princess and spoke as if he's going to rescue me and show me a life I've never had before. As above, I am perfectly self sufficient and don't need rescuing and I said this to him and his response was "you just haven't been shown how you deserve to be treated yet and I'm going to give it to you"

I'd have curled up with embarrassment listening to that. Where DOES he get his chat up lines from? someone needs to tell him that treating women like silly little girls who don't know where their best interests lie is not going to appeal.

I imagine this is his mentor

Is there something wrong with me?!
SamW98 · 04/02/2024 19:49

Dear god. I think I’d have gone to the ladies and done a runner when he started with the princess talk. And presuming you’ve been promiscuous- I would have had to call him out there and then.

Reminds me of the bloke who started talking about when we’re living together - on the first date!!!! And looked genuinely crestfallen when I laughed and said he had to be joking

aitchteeaitch · 04/02/2024 20:22

@itbelikethat Please do tell us that you are going to give Prince Charming the boot.

Huffalot · 04/02/2024 20:29

OP even had you been cocked more times than John Wayne's gun, its got FA to do with him!

I absolutely loathe comments like this. He was buttering you up for him to get his leg over.

Tell him to take a running fuck to himself.

Original poster
itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 20:55

@aitchteeaitch I have been quite quiet on responding to his messages today. He then double messaged saying he feels anxious and has he offended me in some way.

I said I was fine, just tired and enjoying my day with the kids etc...

How do I let him down gently? I know I could just block and delete but it's not who I am... and I'm conscious of the fact he seems to have "gathered" lots of info on me already. He confessed last night to looking me up on FB and LinkedIn (I know that's often what people do, but I don't know, it just felt strange). He also made a point of stating the date we first message on OLD and other things he's remembered in the time we have been chatting... which on their own could be deemed sweet, but it concerns me a little.

He doesn't know my address although knows the area where I live and now through LinkedIn, where I work... so I just want to be careful and not say anything that might mean he reacts badly... not saying he would, but you just never know do you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 20:56

@Huffalot The John Wayne analogy did make me laugh! You are very right!

OP posts:
Mitherations · 04/02/2024 20:59

Nowhere did you agree to let him down gently. Give him the hard swerve starting now. He doesn't have to like it, or think you're a nice person.

SamW98 · 04/02/2024 21:09

@itbelikethat

You don’t need to go into detail. Just tell him sorry but you don’t think there’s a spark and you’re looking for something different.

If he gets funny or tries to get you to chased your mind, block him. You don’t owe him anything.

Huffalot · 04/02/2024 21:13

He blew the arse out of you letting him down gently when he implied you were promiscuous.

If I were you I'd message something like I prefer to get to know people who will respect me. Then block and move on.

He sounds like a would be absolute mind fuck tbh. Implying you were easy, banging on about money. Throwing out compliments and calling you princess and telling you how he'd give you what you've never had. That alone would make me dry up.

Looking you up on Facebook etc....I get the feeling and I might be wrong here long term he would destroy every piece of confidence you have.

Just drop this one like a hot potato

chrisfromcardiff · 04/02/2024 21:47

itbelikethat · 04/02/2024 14:44

I'm a frequent poster but have name changed as with my other posts it would be outing Smile

Will try not to make this war and peace (I promise)

Split with ex DH 2 years ago. Marriage was happy until the last 2 years, we had children, he cheated a number of times and was, as it transpired, a compulsive liar.

After we split I focused on motherhood and didn't date properly for more than a year. First "relationship" of significance was with someone who I found hugely physically attractive, the sex was incredible, but he was an emotional head f*ck often lying and blowing hot and cold. This ended after 6 months and if I'm honest hit me hard.

I've vowed to set my standards higher and not entertain men who can't show emotional maturity and treat me well.

A couple of months ago I got speaking to a guy online and we texted for a while before eventually meeting a couple of weeks ago. The first date was fun and we agreed to meet again this weekend. Saw him yesterday , we met at his before heading out for dinner and when I arrived there he had got me all of my favourite snacks and foods that I had mentioned in passing the past few months... it was sweet but I was really taken aback.

As the evening went on, he was continually complimenting me, to the point that I felt uncomfortable, kept saying things like "where have you been my whole life" and throwing the word "love" about...

He also made a few comments about how he bets my inbox is full of men messaging me (it's not!) and remarked that he assumed I'd been really promiscuous since my marriage ended (I haven't!).

It felt really intense, the constant compliments and admiration, and he seemed really keen to talk about plans for the future... which again is what I thought I wanted but I felt overwhelmed! We both have young children so spare time is limited and he said he thought we might have our first argument sometime about how we can't see each other enough.

It's ironic because my past relationship I would have given anything for a few more compliments, but to this extent it felt overwhelming.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I subconsciously only attracted to men who breadcrumb and hold back emotionally, or would anyone else find this overwhelming? Starting to think I need to pause on the dating for now....

I have to say I am a little afraid for you with this guy. Nicely let him know the relationship just won't work and then be prepared. He sounds as though he might be a bit crazed. Please be careful. Maybe let your close friends and family know about this guy and that you intend to tell him there will be no relationship.

Opentooffers · 04/02/2024 22:04

You've only had 2 dates, just say thanks, but not feeling it so it's not for you. Stop making excuses for not giving him attention - that only makes what's coming worse. Block him streight after you've told him that, because he's the type to either go in hard on trying to convince you, or he will reply with lots of abuse, so better off not knowing what he's got to say about it - it won't be anything useful.

Wednesday6 · 04/02/2024 22:04

No this is absolutely not normal and I would ditch this person immediately. From thinking you'd f*ck him for snacks to assuming you're promiscuous! Run away! He'll be controlling and jealous at minimum!

Orio2023 · 04/02/2024 22:21

From thinking you'd fck him for snacks*

😂

Threecrows · 04/02/2024 22:31

🤮 at treating you like a princess. He’s a love bomber. These guys often go cold after a few weeks.

OP- there is a happy medium out there. Someone nice will turn up eventually

New posts on this thread. Refresh page