Competitive Friend - Am I being too sensitive?

[PeachyGreen95]

My fiancé has a close friend & I meet up with his girlfriend weekly to go to baby classes as our little girls have 3 months between them. I’ve noticed over the last few weeks that she is extremely competitive and keeps bringing stuff up to make our relationship & life seem lesser than theirs.

She knows we’re having to move into a family members home as my partner is retraining for a career change so we need to save money and last week mentioned they were moving into a bigger house, on a nice road and their daughter would have a massive bedroom. I said I was happy for them and it sounded lovely. This was mentioned 4 more times. Every time I meet up with her she mentions how much money her partner earns, how they’re saving for a wedding and another baby next year. It seems odd to bring this up every time we meet on a weekly basis.

I spoke about going on holiday this year in passing conversation and she said they would be going on three holidays as one wasn’t enough before she returns to work.

She told me twice last week to be careful with my finances as we’re not earning enough money between us at the moment. I found this quite rude and invasive.

if I’m being honest I’m finding the relationship quite draining and didn’t know whether to phase her out as every time we meet it seems like she needs to ‘one up’ us and what we’re doing. Would you continue to meet someone like this? Am I being a bit sensitive? I don’t have many mum friends so I feel as though that’s the only thing we have in common.

What is it about her that makes you call her a friend? She doesn't behave like one. I'd drop her like a hot brick and not let her into your life any more than you have to.

Unfortunately competitive mums seem to be everywhere. Either phase her out or just ignore it. She is obviously insecure

@Lavenderosa i use the word friend loosely. I suppose I meet up with her as our children are the same age, it gives me something to do in the week & our partners are close friends so I wouldn’t want it to become awkward. It’s starting to get quite draining though. I’ve always seen her as competitive but feel it has become worse since we’ve had our babies.

You definitely don’t have to give your time to people just because they have a baby the same age, or their H is friends with your H.

You will make other, nicer mum friends- don’t bother with this one she obviously has a lot of hang ups and she’s projecting them on to you.

If you're being 'too sensitive', there must be a rule about how sensitive you 'should' be, so, really, it depends on whose rules you live by, when it comes to what feelings you have and what sort of personality you have.

So, whose rules do you follow?

For the sake of your mental well-being bin her off.

If its draining that's enough to phase it out.
She doesn't seem kind or taking your feelings into consideration.
You are definitely not too sensitive. Your feelings are valid.

The old Mumsnet classic "did you mean to be so rude?"

Life's too short to be spending it with someone who makes you feel bad

Do you enjoy spending time with her? Friends are people whose company we enjoy.

So is she a friend?

I would find a weekly meet-up too much with someone like this.

If you find her company draining then that is the only reason you need to spend less time with her. It never ceases to amaze me how people can be like this and then still think that others will enjoy their company and want to spend time with them.

Sadly there are a lot of people like this about - now I am in my fifties my tolerance for it is very low (especially with people who are my age or older!).

It says a lot about her.

I have met some brilliant people in my life and some not so brilliant. DH mate from uni is an absolutely tiresome incredibly wealthy man who I don’t like spending time with. My friend from school has a partner who is a multi millionaire. They do have the most amazing house and life but if you met him out and about he is just like any other guy. He never boasts and is just great to hang out with.

Agreed! See, I wouldn't be upset by this woman's antics - bored, perhaps. I don't think she's trying to get one over on you particularly; she sounds excessively concerned about money and status, and I bet she talks like this all the time. I'd feel a bit sorry for her insecurities, but wouldn't be able to resist making snarky comments about it 😏

YANBU to find it offensive (or bad manners, pretentious, or déclassé/uncool). She does make it personal, so YANBU to take it that way.

Nobody needs people who make them miserable in their lives.

She sounds exhausting!! If you don't really value the friendship much, I'd definitely have a dig. 'You seem to put a lot of value on status/ wealth as a sign of success. Maybe we should agree to disagree on that one. I have no interest in how much money you earn or how big your house is, thanks'

I would try and shift the focus back to meeting as couples, to dilute her a bit. Join a different group on the day you meet up and invite them over for lunch at the weekend instead. Gradually have more on during the week so you can't meet - will you be going back to work any time soon? That's a good opportunity to move the friendship back to couples.

Next time tell her you're going to Tenerife, and see if she says they're going to Elevenerife.