Did your kids get bored of going to their dads every other weekend?

[SantaFeSister]

If you had kids who go to their dads every other weekend and it wasn't an amicable separation, did the kids eventually get fed up of leaving their primary residence and their friends etc?

We are going through this now, boys age 9 and 11, they've not wanted to go for quite a while now but exhausted dragging it all through court to force them. Hellish tbh, but from I hear I think it's quite normal that they drop off. Both my neighbours either side are the dads in this situation and accept that as their children are getting older they are staying at home more to see friends at the weekend x

My kids went through periods of this because their father doesn’t live close enough to facilitate their social life.

Sorry, ex dragging it through court that should say. I did say to him the more he pushes the more they will pull away. And that's what's now happening. I think as soon as mine can decide for themselves they will choose not to bother at all. Court can never give me a clear age of when this will be though so here we are. Hope you get it sorted smoothly for all

My parents didn't have an amicable split and I really liked forward to spending time at Dad's. What helped was that after an initial unpleasant period they both realised what was important. Never slagged each other off to us, never made it difficult for dad to see us, etc. My dad really mellowed out and I'm glad mum didn't hold any grudges.

In my case it got especially bad when they wanted to get part time jobs but had to consider their dad’s feelings about it when other kids can just say yes.
They have other friends who see their dad’s EOW and it’s sad when the weekends don’t match. My son is 17 now and often comes back from contact and goes straight out to see friends. He’s currently happy to go to contact but I feel bad for him because if his dad and I were together then he could have gone out when everybody met rather than have to catch up to them.

My kids are 6 & 3 & go every Friday to Saturday afternoon (24 hours usually brings them back at least 5 hours early) , we are in Ireland & it's court ordered, & my 6 year old hates it, he cries, says he wishes he didn't have to go, he doesn't miss him, our home is his safe place, why does he have to see his dad,it is such a stress every week, i encourage it as it is court ordered & if i don't follow I'm in trouble 😵‍💫 i am in the process of going back to court for multiple reasons including his GF breaching court order multiple ways, harassment & maintenance & I'd ideally like to address this too, my sons would be fine with going for a full day no problems it's the overnight that he hates, & honestly their dad is hit & miss with it,can miss weeks at a time so there is no routine, it's a minefield

So I was the child in the situation, rather than the parent. I’d more say that how often/when we saw our dad evolved, we were more in ‘control’. It wasn’t that we got bored going to see him, we got bored with how regimented it was.

So some weekends we’d want to stay ‘home’, other weekends we’d want to stay with dad longer. I used to dance, and he started collecting me to go to dancing and taking me for tea afterwards one ‘extra’ night a week. One of my brothers used to see him frequently when there was a midweek football match on the tele. it all felt much more natural than following a strict schedule.

I suppose distance plays a part too.

This was true for me and my siblings, definitely. The fact that my dad was so close made flexible contact possible. We never felt guilty about, for example, missing a weekend. Largely because neither parent made us feel that way, but also because we knew we could pop in and see him pretty much anytime. Had cancelling a weekend meant that i wouldn’t see him for ages due to distance, I think I’d have been less inclined to not go.

Definitely. My boys are sad that their dad has chosen to move an hour away so they have to do a lot of traveling. He has moved in with his new gf and they said they'd just Ike to see him on his own xxx

I am a step mum.

We never had a strict EOW-type schedule anyway as DH and ex co-parent well and have always been flexible with each other.
DH and his ex made a commitment to living close to each other until the kids grow up which has made things so much easier for all concerned. DSDs have always been able to see friends etc when they are here.
At 14 and 16 they make their own arrangements with DH and I and we still see them very regularly.

I think separated parents who decide to live far apart from each other create a rod for their own back to be honest!

I feel grateful as a now single father to my two DS, 8 and 11 that I have the family home (she did her best to try and force me to sell but failed) whilst it's the mother that is a good few miles away in a rental.

When we first split 9 months ago she eventually offered to me to have them one weekend a fortnight but I point blank refused. I live literally a stones throw from both boys schools, it's right by all their friends, so going out and seeing mates isn't an issue at all. I take them to all their extracurricular activities outside of school and will drop them off with her if it's her week to have the boys.

Each to their own isn't it I suppose but for me, personally, I'd rather be buried 6ft underground than be a part time dad, my children are everything