Feeling excluded

[Breakingpoint1961]

I'm in a WhatsApp group of friends where I used to live, it's half an hour from me, so easy to get to. These 'friends' (and they are nice) I understand (from what I hear in conversations) that they meet up regularly without me (I also meet up with them on a semi regular basis) they've actually posted in the group tonight that they've been out together, no invite for me. I get they live near each other (but I'm not a million miles away) I clearly wasn't on their radar..

I'm feeling a bit left out to be honest, hate feeling like this, but I don't even know why they needed to post in the group, it's upset me..

Awe..I'm sorry this has happened to you. It's not nice, but I know this has happened to me too. And I'm sure it's happened to so many people. Ur not alone, and I'm still really sorry that this has happened to you. No one deserves it.🤗🤗🤗

Aww @Teasie123 that's really sweet of you. I don't think for one minute they are intentionally trying to upset me, but if I was one of them, I'd really have thought about was I was doing.

@Breakingpoint1961 well maybe that's the lovely thing about U. Have you thought about telling them how you feel?

@Teasie123 yes it's crossed my mind, but I don't feel comfortable doing it, and I don't want them to feel a certain way if they do want to do stuff spontaneously without asking me. It's a tricky one, I think it's one of those things where you need an opportunity to say something without it being 'confrontational' or 'dramatic' if you know what I mean.

I guess I want know I'm not alone with these feelings.

It sucks. My friends recently posted pics from a day out in our nearby city. No invite for me. I thought we were a 4 but apparently not. I feel sad but dh was angry on my behalf that they treated me like that. I think I just feel I can’t change how they see me and I’m clearly less important to them than they were to me. I’m not kicking off but I’m backing off a bit.

@TeenLifeMum I'm really conscious of appearing 'cliquey' and I hate when I'm put in that position. But I'd not do something like this (or like your friends did) this is far more upsetting as they've posted it on the group. Why post to each other when they're all out together??!! Completely thoughtless and insensitive!

totally thoughtless! I need friends who appreciate me (I’ve helped these women through truly shitty times but now life is good I’m on the sidelines). I’m a loyal friend but so tired of not being valued.

@TeenLifeMum I've not helped these friends, and neither have they helped me, so no expectations there, but we have known each other a long time (worked together) and I now realise I'm an acquaintance not a friend. As I said, they really are nice people, and if I needed help (I'd never ever ask) I'm sure they would oblige.

None of these women have ever experienced what I've been through. They're married, no financial issues. I am very different to them in that respect.

@Breakingpoint1961 Ur definitely not alone!! This has happened to me and as I said before, to many many people in their lives.🤗🤗

@Teasie123 that's the only positive, to know I'm not alone! It's a rotten feeling isn't it?!

@Breakingpoint1961 it is! The feeling that Ur not good enough, or funny enough or exciting enough... truth is I believe they are the ones missing out on a good funny loyal friend.🤭🤭🤗🤗

@Teasie123 you're spot on with all those feelings! Well you've made me feel a lot better, so I'm very grateful for that😊

@Breakingpoint1961 U are so very welcome!🤗🤗🤗

@Teasie123 🤗

@Breakingpoint1961 and if you ever feel like a cheer up, post or message me. I think Ur lovely.🤗

Bless you@Teasie123 that's very very kind😊

Hope your ok op. Its really hurtful. I was left out of flight bookings by sisters. It stung for ages. There always a queen bee too. Grown women are nasty sometimes

Can’t you post in a none confrontational way, ie: ‘hey, let me know when you go on your next night out. Would love to join you’. You’ll then probably get responses, if they’re as nice as you say, giving reasons why maybe you weren’t previously included. Whilst it feels insensitive of them to post on your group about their outings, at least it shows that they’re not being sneaky or deliberate. I’m sure all will be sorted op.

Thank you @Livelovebehappy @Mary46, I've calmed down somewhat. I'm sure there's an explanation and it will all come out in the wash. I guess the insecurities I think I've dealt with maybe need addressing again.

Can totally relate, has been done to me by work colleagues, don’t think it was done on purpose as it was a spur of the moment but did feel left out.

Maybe send a breezy message in the group that it looked like a fun night and let you know next time so you can try and go along.

Yeah to mirror everyone's comments its pretty crap, but why not put on the group chat 'where was my invite?!' sometimes you need to be direct, if its a fair question, wouldn't they say the same if any one of them weren't invited. The responses will weed out the genuine reason which might be a simple explanation... or not. I've become very thick skinned over the years with friends. I have been through divorce and have changed my friendship groups because of this sort of behaviour from people I have known for years. f*ck em, that's what I say!! 😎

Has anything been said since OP? You are one of many posters this has happened to, people are thoughtless rather than unkind....usually.

I inadvertently discovered I was left out of a small group meet-up recently. I thought we all got on well, and did things as a group of four as well as meeting up with eachother separately. Turns out I was wrong so I have completely distanced myself from the group and only intend to meet with one person from it in future.

I am sorry it happened to you - it seems to happen a lot and it hurts!

I do think this is the problem with social media. You say they live near each other? They may have bumped into each other in the supermarket and said “let’s go for a drink”, or they may have had a long standing plan to go out - but a picture on the internet doesn’t show this. I have a friend who is a bit Facebook obsessed and this used to drive me mad. I remember I bumped into her in a coffee shop one day and, of course, we sat down for a coffee together and had a chat. Cue a photo of a cappuccino appearing on her status that evening with a “lovely catch up with Wimpole” strap line. I then had a text from another mutual friend, basically asking why she hadn’t been invited. It’s very awkward. I think I’d make the point gently that you’re always pleased to be included in plans and see what comes of it.

@Risun I have seen them since (asked to join them on an outing) so I am trying hard not to take it personally, because I don't think for one minute it was done with any malice.

I think I do have an issue with this kind of thing though, I always feel excluded and that comes from somewhere in my past, and I always think it's because I'm not liked (when I know I am) so I guess I have to take some responsibility for my feelings too.

I'm getting more and more anxious socially☹️