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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughters behaviour

14 replies

Veronicamay123 · 03/02/2024 14:34

My daughter is 8, I'm really worried about how she acts to her friend its something I've only ever seen her do with this friend. It makes me feel uncomfortable she is not particularly nasty or mean but she will disagree with everything the friend says, does or suggests. She's very negative & puts the friends ideas down I could see the friend getting disheartened and even asked to go home. It kind of feels like the walking on egg shells kind of thing.
But when the friend goes my daughter is back to normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Veronicamay123 · 03/02/2024 14:35

I must add this friend is nice, kind and didn't do or say anything mean

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 03/02/2024 14:37

Do you say anything at the time? Just tell her it’s rude and unkind.

Original poster
Veronicamay123 · 03/02/2024 14:41

@ohdamnitjanet yes I do as its happend on 2 or 3 separate occasions. I've said there an then and also spoken to her afterwards.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 03/02/2024 14:43

What are you looking for from the thread? If your child is doing something you think isn't going to be good for her, teach her not to. What's your question?

BadBarry · 03/02/2024 14:43

I've sometimes heard my son not sharing well and I've stepped in and said "DS please make sure you are sharing well with friends"
If it keeps going I've taken he aside and explained that if he doesn't share nicely or speak nicely friends won't want to come around to play and he's to cut it out.
He's nearly 8 and he doesn't really do it now but a year ago I was cringing so if I was you I'd just step in and remind her you can hear her and she needs to be nicer to her friends.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/02/2024 14:46

Does she have other friends with whom she interacts in a more healthy way?

BadBarry · 03/02/2024 14:46

Sorry just seen your update, I'd keep addressing it as it comes up then but I'd also tell her before the next play date that she is not kind then she won't get play dates 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Veronicamay123 · 03/02/2024 14:53

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation she she interacts normally with others
That's why it's confusing me. And I've said all of the above, I guess il just have to stop the play dates until she matures.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 03/02/2024 14:55

Can you tell her that's it's not good to spend time with people if you only want to say unpleasant things to them? It might help her understanding of boundaries.

MagpiePi · 03/02/2024 14:58

How and why do the play dates get arranged? Is it one or both of the girls asking or is it adults trying to force the friendship? Have you talked to the other girl’s parents about it?

Keeva2017 · 03/02/2024 19:02

Your daughter is being a bully, you need to keep trying to educate her but there needs to be consequences for her behaviour too.

Original poster
Veronicamay123 · 03/02/2024 21:05

They are friends and my daughter asks to see her & vice versa

I was thinking this @Keeva2017 :(

OP posts:
sprigatito · 03/02/2024 21:10

Watchkeys · 03/02/2024 14:43

What are you looking for from the thread? If your child is doing something you think isn't going to be good for her, teach her not to. What's your question?

What do you think MN is?! It's literally a forum for parents to ask for advice and share their experience. What on earth do you get out of being so arsey?

OP I would try doing some social stories with her. They're usually recommended for autistic kids, but they're brilliant for any child who is finding social interaction tricky. Also lots of conversations about friendships (not telling-off for her behaviour with this friend, just general conversation) and role playing might help. She needs to understand why it's not kind, and how it might affect the other person; it's not unusual to struggle to get the hang of it at her age, and she can learn.

Sceptre86 · 04/02/2024 00:37

We had a little girl over who was doing this to my dd. My dd was so eager to please and I wouldn't have known had I not been folding clothes and overhead them playing. I spoke to them both about taking turns and that playing with others sometimes mean you do what they want to do and then swap. I told the mum on the phone that her dd was belittling mine and asked her to pick her up. She was very apologetic and spoke to her dd about her behaviour. I talked to my own dd about how the other girls behaviour wasn't OK and she didn't have to put up with it and to speak up for herself. I constantly work on my dds self esteem but it is hard.

In your case I'd be pointing out that this behaviour is mean and I would not be allowing playdates with the other girl. I'd also ask her to think about her behaviour and how she would like it if the shoe was on the other foot. She's 8 so I don't think you need to wite her off as a bully but her behaviour is unacceptable and she needs to be taught why.

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