Hi all
I’m really struggling co parenting with my ex wife and looking for some advice of how to manage it .
We were together for 14 years and have 3 children together , she carried 2 and I carried 1. Throughout the relationship she was controlling , domineering and now I’m out I can see she was emotionally and sometimes but rarely physically abusive .
i filed for divorce almost 2 years ago it was an awful time , we had to live in the house for a year whilst going through the divorce as we didn’t agree on the children arrangements she wanted to move them to her family 200 miles away . We almost went to court but eventually with a lot of £ and solicitors letters later she agreed to 50/50. It was probably the most painful and difficult time of my life imagining life away from my children , I read terrified she would take them away and even the thought of not putting them to bed every night killed me .
To cut a long story short the day I moved out I found out that she had been having an affair with her friend . I always thought it was strange as I never met the women in the 6 years she was friends with her but she was straight with a partner and son so I didn’t read too much into it .
This women was also an estate agent and was the women who sold our family house so she was in the house doing viewings and dealing with the sale , behind my back whilst I was still living there . I’ve since found out they spent time together watching films when I took the kids to see family. We had agreed on our parenting plan not to introduce new to our children for 6 months . I said 3 months but she enforced 6 so I went with that , however she was taking our children to meet this woman and in particular our youngest , who was a year old at the time that I carried, she was taking the baby to see her every weekend .
It gets worse .. I live in small community and ended up meeting this woman’s ex partner who was devastated by the affair and even more traumatised by the fact that her 13 year old son had found out and began texting my ex wife things like “ I hate you , you’ve ruined my family and taken my mum away from me “ etc . My ex wife called the police on the 13 year old for harassment and his mum stood by my ex wife , they now have no contact .
I feel completely traumatised by the fact I was with someone for all this time who could be so disrespectful and act so poorly not just to me but also the poor boy whom she had known for years .
Since all this happened and I found out my ex denied the whole thing ( even though there’s loads of evidence ) and tells everyone I’m a psycho stalker and obsessed with her . She’s kept the woman away from my children but it’s coming up to 6 months ( officially since she claims she started seeing her ) so according to the parenting plan my ex can have her around our kids .
I feel sick about her being around our kids , sick at the thought of the toxic environment the whole thing is , like how do you put 3 young kids that aren’t even yours to bed when you don’t see your own son? What kind of mother is she ? Also our 3 are pretty wild and very young and are a lot for anyone to take on .
People keep telling me to let it go and it will be what it be but it gives me so many sleepless nights ..
Any thoughts , words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated .
sorry for the long rant !!