Selfish husband

[Dinkiedoo]

I didnt know wether to write here or on AIBU.
Been with hubby 20 years. Happy for most . Been through some s@@t together.
I wasnt too well last year and was in hospital twice.
The second time I was in he was quite snappy . I told him to go home at one point.Maybe I was snappy too.
The decision was made that I retire and Im lucky to be able too. Work was making me ill. Always mad busy sometimes no breaks.
The thing is now on his days off all he wants to do is sit around or do his own thing. I suggest a walk....no. lets go out to lunch....no.
Lets do something he wants to do...oh yes.
He has become more critical. Snappy and downright horrible at times.
I dread his days off and feel miserable for most of the time.
I dont want to leave as I do love him and he can be so lovely. Just selfish at times.
How do I deal with it ?

Go out without him, it’s what I do. My DH doesn’t get up until 10.30am, then he’s got to shower etc. I’m not wasting the morning waiting for him.

It sounds like he's still working, so probably wants to use his days off to rest/relax, you have plenty of time to do things you like to do now you're retired.

Set out on your own often.
Sometimes agree to his idea but sometimes state - NO it's my turn to invite you this time. Please, I'd like your company but if you don't want to come, so be it.

You need to start your own thread, with the name of the school in the title.

This is a discussion about selfish husbands!

OP, it's interesting that you cite the problem as him being selfish. Has he been selfish for twenty years?

If not, it sounds more a problem if him being unhappy at the change if your life set ups..... I know I went through a phase of working while my partner didn't, and it can feel quite hard to take- most people would love to stop working if they could....

Not saying it was wrong to retire, but I'm interested why you think the problem is selfishness, rather than eg struggling with change in our lives?

Hes just come out with me. His suggestion. Didnt really talk much.
We always have done what he wants to do. Now and again do what I want to do. People have pointed this out.
Maybe because Ive got more time on my hands Im noticing it more ?
No need to be snappy and contradictory most of the time though. He says its 'banter' but I told him banter or not I dont appreciate it.
I am thinking of getting another job but the thought of it makes me worry I will fall ill again. Was seriously ill and in hospital for a week each time.

I’m assuming that he’s still working, so do you go out without him? What do you do on the days he’s working?

If you want to get out of the house and money isn't the issue, volunteer somewhere?
Join clubs/societies/groups?

Expand your friendship group and do what makes you happy

Do you do things whilst he is at work OP?

Or do you potter and relax?

I assume H is not a spring chicken and perhaps he just wants to be at home that he is still working for on his days off.

I mean if it is a total change of dynamic, that you used to do things each other wanted, or when you worked, I am thinking before health problems, what did you do at the weekends then? Because it sounds like for him his timetable hasn't changed.

Yes he might be a bit jealous you no longer have the workday grind but he should be able to talk to you if that is the case.

If my H was at home all week, and I was at work, and then he wanted me to do what he wanted at the weekend because he was essentially bored I would be a bit pissed off. I wouldn't expect to dictate every weekend.

So perhaps look at the changing dynamic of your relationship now you are retired.

I do everything at home. He can just rest on days off but I would like to have an evening or a day out now and again.