Hi all just looking for some advice on what I should do about my sons dad.
so we haven’t been together for about 4 years, he is usually there for my son and consistent. Doesn’t always pay maintenance (I have to get on his case about this). We co parent ok mostly but we do bump heads at times.
so lately he is becoming insufferable. It seems like he just wants to play games with me when he’s got our son.
He will phone our son when our son is with me (he has every other weekend) and I answer the phone to him so they can speak, i do support a relationship between them. But when my son is at his dads, if I phone or text to see if he’s ok (mainly after my son has been upset because he wants to stay with me, my son is 4) he won’t return calls or texts and will get pissy saying oh we are doing XYZ. An example would be I text him yesterday at about 3pm asking if my son was ok then a few hours later I tried to call, text again about half an hour later then got a message saying we are eating!!! I think.. does that render you incapable of replying to a message saying ‘yes he’s ok.
some might think why am I even contacting him during ‘his’ time, I answer the phone to him so my son can speak to him and I think he should return the favour. I’m not asking for an hours long conversation, just a FaceTime to say hello or a text reply saying yep he’s fine he’s playing and doesn’t want to speak.
so in addition to the above, my son has a brother (me and his mum are friends) and their dad doesn’t bother with the brother as much as my son for some reason. Brothers mum has spoke to him time and time again about treating their son differently from mine (and I agree totally) and long story short he’s blocked her and told her not to message him again. Lovely 👍
I feel like has caused a rift between my friend and I , we don’t see each other with the boys as much . It’s not my place to, but I have tried speaking with their dad about what has happened and to try to get him to sort the situation out but I won’t be doing it anymore. I know it’s not my place. I feel so shit on the brother, he’s only 6 and is aware of the situation. He doesn’t go to their dads anymore.
Their dad’s own personal hygiene is something that is seriously lacking. He smells like stale cigarettes and sometimes like poo, his house smells and is dirty. I’m not saying it to be mean, it’s a fact. It smells like oil and dirt. I see tops of my sons that his dad has blown his nose on and left in the corner to rot. It’s disgusting. My son is coming home in the clothes I’ve sent him in, clothes unwashed and smelling. He does seem like he’s had a shower there and teeth brushed but this isn’t always. They don’t go to bed at his house and sleep on the sofa or on these big cushions on the living room floor. He’s fed chocolate over anything else.
im not sure what to do. I want his dad to sort his shit out and step up to the plate. Do I say that he needs to sort himself out or my son won’t be going up to see him anymore? Is that too harsh?
I’ll just note he hasn’t always been like this, when I met him he was well kept and his house was your average single man living alone. I’m not the tidiest of people so I’m not judging but it was clean and he was clean.
I feel like his mental health is probably suffering but when I look at his life and the choices he’s made, no wonder his mental health and now physical health is suffering.
any advice welcome, please be kind it’s taken a lot of courage to post this.