DH and Working Away

[Fred2024]

Name changed for this.
DH works abroad 3/4 nights out of 7 and when in UK out of house 12 - 14 hours per day. Weekends he is off work and with us.
i am getting so fed up of this routine now. we have been married more than 10 years and it has been ok, I feel like my feelings for him are really fading away. He is very work driven and a ‘good provider’. He is a kind man but very grumpy and stressed at the moment, hence non-communicative.

My main concern is I can no longer be bothered. It feels very routine and that there is little point making an effort for him to just go away again. I feel lonely and down. We have two DC, 10 and 8. I am considering separating. I don’t feel it is worth asking him to change as he will say it’s my fault as I am boring. For example, when he gets home at 9 -10, I am tired after day at work and looking after DC, so just want to sleep.

You can't build a life and love someone who isn't ever there.

Personally I couldn't stay with someone who didn't prioritise his family.

I was in a similar situation. I 100% know what you mean by not wanting to make effort anymore. My ex would work up to 13 hour days and come home at 11pm but I’d be asleep and it just wasn’t worth staying up for ‘quality time’ to be tired the next day. Then DS and I would be up and out before he woke up. I found me and DS had almost created our own life which he wasn’t a part of and it felt he was more of a lodger than anything else. Then on his days off he was grumpy and tired. So again me and DS got on with our own things.

We split around 7 months ago and honestly I feel so much better looking back I realise how miserable I felt with the day in day out routine. I feel excited about the future now. If we had stayed together I imagine life would feel mundane and the boring day to day routine would carry on for the rest of my life. I felt bad at first thinking maybe I should have tried harder but for what? He never did. We became that distant that any attempt felt awkward and un natural. I feel less lonely now than I did with him.