Relationship with boss

[changednamepenisbeakerforevidence]

Name changed for obvious reasons

Advice please:

2022 I left an abusive and controlling relationship

Have always got on very well with my boss, in a completely professional capacity

We are both single

Nothing happened prior to my break up

Last summer things developed.
We are now in a relationship

I am concerned for my job and what people may think

Work for a big company in sales, he is my direct line manager but geographically not based where I am currently -may be moving to london soon (not strictly due to relationship but work demands)

I like him, a lot, I think it could be something serious

He seems equally into this.

We are both mindful I am likely to come off worse though if / when we go public

I love my job and am very good at it. Prior to the relationship I had made some big steps in terms of progression- he was not involved in this as I came from another team to a regional position

Legally is this an issue for work?
Personally will it damage my reputation?

Your staff handbook may well have an existing policy so check this first. In places I’ve worked in the past it’s been a case of it’s fine so long as there’s not differing power positions, or one isn’t the line manager - sometimes companies will allow you to change teams so they can’t be accused of unfair favouritism. It’s also to protect themselves against harassment claims.

Some companies may not have any policy at all so you’d be best checking with someone but if they don’t know yet don’t put yourself in a position where you’re out of a job. People may suspect anyway even if you think you’ve been very careful - if you have feelings for each other you may subconsciously act differently now. Good luck.

My last employer definitely banned relationships between people at different levels in the same reporting line. And a previous one banned internal relationships for certain roles, particularly audit functions. At both places, there were both sides of married couples working there - and affair partners - but the ones I knew about were within the rules, which is easier in a large place, which it sounds like yours is. (We had several hundred on site.)

Check the staff handbook. Check if there are options to move departments. Think about what you would do if things go wrong and you break up. Think about how you will handle someone finding out and accusing one or other or both of you of favoritism. These things may not happen, and it all works out, but better to think about them ahead of time when you're calm than when it's all blown up in the office and decisions need to be made yesterday.

Apart from company policy, not think you should worry how other people think.

it’s none of everyone business apart from you two. I can see it can become uncomfortable in workplace. But if you confident on your professionalism, in long term people can tell your productivity not rely on internal affair. People will not think 24/7 when work with you, you are in relationship with ur boss. It’s more like one of those things people like to chat over company do or in the kitchen. People got their own business to mind too.

to Find someone who is compatible is really rare and why not embrace it.

All the big companies I've worked for have a policy of not allowing one partner to line mange the other or be involved in making decision involving their partner eg pay, promotion,

In your case we'd change your reporting line into a different manager.