Lonely and struggling with life

[Wombded]

I am not suicidal. But my heart is really aching today. I’ve had to cancel going out today as I feel really low and everything feels black.

I’m in therapy, doing the work, etc. I just feel incredibly lonely even though I’m married, unhappily. Both my parents are elderly but not maternal, more old school detached and critical. My H is cold and detached too, engaged and lively with the DC and others just not with me. I’m tired of arguing and asking for him to love and be the partner I deserve. He used to be but never makes the effort. I bring negativity to the house according to him and my DC, I’m tired and sad.

I’ve booked to see a solicitor so I’m taking steps. I just want to die, not literally but this pain feels awful. I’ve started reading about mother wounds but it is making me feel worse, much worse.

I don’t know what more I can do. Just needed to vent on here.

It comes accross you do not think you receive emotional warmth from the people who are meant to give it to you - your family? Correct ?

https://www.believeinmind.com/self-growth/importance-of-self-compassion/

I think the first thing you have tot do is stop looking to him to fulfill any of your needs or wants. He just doesn't seem to care so all it will end up doing is really hurting and upsetting you. Don't ask him anything unless you just need a yes or a no from him. Start emotionally withdrawing from him. Do the same with your parents - you are looking for love from people who for whatever reason just can't provide you with it and that needs to stop for your own self preservation.

Then start loving yourself, start being the person you want to be. Stop relying on other people to make you feel happy or loved or whatever and concentrate on yourself and your kids. Start doing nice things every day just for you, start looking after yourself more and caring about yourself. Plan something really fun to do just you and the teens and start reconnecting with them.

Don't let him drag you down a minute longer.

@Wombded im not in a dissimilar situation myself. My life seems to revolve around the kids and it’s so difficult to get DP to even talk to me. I’m fighting to make things better and he is just ‘meh’. I’d get a more emotive response from a lump of coal. I do love my DC to bits, and the older daughters (grown adults living at home) try to make it a little better and I go out sometimes with oldest dd or my friends - but not often. I’m deaf in one ear and I find it uncomfortable to go out as I struggle to hear well. Sometimes it hard putting one foot in front of the other and I don’t even get time to myself as my partner works from home a lot. I’m currently trying to kill him with kindness and love and it makes no difference as he’s just cold. Sorry for venting!

Id be worse off financially, but I think I’d be happier, without him. I’ve applied for work this week - he doesn’t know - as I want to be dependent and have a life of my own. Do you have any hobbies or could you find something you enjoy and join a club? It might help you meeting new people.