Hand hold me through my separation please!

[HelpPleaseNow]

Can all you lovely people offer your pearls of wisdom and advice. I am currently going through separation, with small child, no friends or family nearby, as moved to new area very far away. Everything happened all at once - move, infidelity on his part, now separated, I've been a SAHM for years. Still have to live together for a significant period of time.

Initially, I was OK. I was relieved to end things, after we tried with the counselling and I just couldn't forgive him. I also started working on my goals and that felt good at the time. Planning to start a new career, signed up for volunteering. A week ago, started writing a novel, which I had long dreamt of doing. A flurry of activity...

Today, I just crashed. None of my goals feel right any more. I don't want to write any more, because I feel like it keeps me stuck in my own head and its a solitary activity. But I feel sad that I'm not working towards my goals. The new career I am embarking stresses me out, as I'm not sure it's for me, etc etc....

Basically, everything just feels so surreal and I feel odd. As if I am bi-polar, one day feeling like I'm on top of the world, and the next, the activities that made me feel good yesterday just cause me stress today, I don't want to do anything, but I don't want to sit and stare at the ceiling either.

What should I do? Go easy and not set goals? But then I feel lost.

Also, I know that because I don't have any friends or family, I need to go out and make some. But it's difficult when I'm not in a good head space as it is, plus I have to take care of a three year old. I know I should set small goals, like get a retail job part-time or something. But even that just fills me with dread.

What should I do? How do I stay strong, live my life now? And how to cope with still living with ex for a long time now?

Much advice appreciated, and maybe your happy stories of being in the same boat but getting to the other side. Thank you :) 🙏

Do you want to move back, for support?

I'm afraid it's not an option, as I am not in touch with some family members, and all my friends have moved on as I've moved around too much. I do make sure to virtually talk to some family members, and a close friend of mine. But I think I need some real-life friends to make. It's just that it takes time and energy and I don't have that at the moment. I do see a therapist at the moment and that helps but it's just that feeling of being 'adrift' in the world, like I'm disconnected from everything.

Was the new career that you were planning going to be compatible with being a single mum, or would you need lots of outside support with childcare? It's OK to take time to plan, and if your prior plan was formed quickly in a day, maybe it was made in haste when trying to clutch onto some optimism.
Are you married or a SAHM without that protection? Makes a big difference with how finances are split. Also, are you renting or mortgaged and if so is your name on it? All important things to consider so you can step forwards.

@Opentooffers thank you for taking the time to write. It's very helpful what you say about ' it being ok to take the time to plan' and then changing those plans. Basically, what it is...I have a psychology degree and I was planning to keep studying to become a psychologist. But I worry that it's a career that requires a lot of mental strength, and I worry that I don't have that, as in I am a very sensitive person. But also, I had all these other goals in life, which were all creative, such as art and creative writing and performing arts. And those can also cause burnout and make my mental health worse. And now I just feel stuck. I used to have a high-powered job in the city before I had a child, but I hated it because deep down I am a creative person. So, I just feel stuck - like I can't pursue any career, projects, etc. Beforehand, I used to think, well, at least I have my husband. And that was an awful mistake because now I don't have that either, and because I feel like I dedicated myself to my family, that's not worked out either, and I'm alone, no close friends nearby, no family (long story...), and just an ex that hurt me that I still have to live with. And I just want to be a really good mum to my child and also to have dreams, and goals and aspirations...hope that makes sense! I just felt a bit bi-polar with it all for the last three months.

It takes time , a lot but your life can be yours again it sounds as if you’re living with an ex who is bringing you to the brink.
you need to find away to get free , rebuild yourself, it’s possible I did
but it’s a long path , is there anyway you can move nearer to family
I didn’t have a family but I’m sure you will get there and bring yourself on track to a happy life as a single mum.
dark days will pass eventually , trust in yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other put your needs 1st your child’s next
ime the reality is I stayed with someone I should not have done from my child’s sake
big big mistake

I just don't want to read and run. It sounds really though OP and I hope you have better days ahead

Ohy goodness you are basically me!! So weird to read this :)

Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment. It's been a month on, and I have good days and bad days. yesterday was a good day, but then I was looking at some photos from back in the day, and it brought back so much pain and now I am a complete mess again.

@wherediditallgosowrong sorry to hear you're in the same boat. What's happening in your life, if you don't mind me asking? Perhaps we can help each other!