I have had an on-and-off flirtatious relationship with someone from work for about a year. There is a significant age difference of 13 years between us. During these interactions, he would often alternate between being warm and distant. Eventually, he gave me his number, and we started talking for a couple of days, where we confessed our mutual attraction. I told him I was worries about us working together, he kept assuring me that the circumstances are fine.
However, at work he then told me that he lost his phone and became more distant at work. I foolishly texted him back when he texted that he found the phone, but he didn't respond. Frustrated, I told him to delete my number and forget about everything. He replied that he didn't want to create any issues but was still happy to chat.
Describing his character, he is someone who thinks he knows everything, enjoys keeping people waiting in both work and personal life, and always believes he is right.
After some interactions at work, he texted me asking me if I still wanted him to delete my number and attempted to initiate something. Started talking about me looking nice at work and thanking me for the chats and how they cheer up the day.
He even kissed me at work. He tried to plan hanging out after work, but then claimed to feel exhausted and rescheduled for the next day. He told me that he wants to take things slow with me and then We ended up having sex, but it was a terrible experience for me, and I asked him to stop. I realise that this probably made him feel very bad.
He confessed that he had taken drugs before I arrived(Ghb) and revealed that he is a regular drug user with a history of involvement , hospital stays, and connections to drug gangs, being poisoned and whatnot
He also mentioned that people he associates with become targets. Asked me if think another coworker is flirting. Asked me if i am worried about getting pregnant and that he thought about that and that it would be challenging but we would keep it. I laughed and he asked me if I ever think about it to those extremes. He asked me if we were going to tell people about us hooking up
he asked if i was “breaking up with him” i said that friends is easier and he was more than fine. He was really high
we spent about 5 hours together this night, mostly talking. I couldn’t believe that such a high functioning adult at work can be a regular drug user
After hearing about his troubled life, I texted a long message him to let him know that I'm there for him if he ever wants to talk. I apologised for telling him to stop during sex and said that I was stressed and unable to fully engage. However, he never responded. At work, he mentioned that something had happened and he wasn't ignoring me but dealing with it- Physical fight with a friend.
From then on, we stopped communicating at work. One day, he left early, and I asked him if he was feeling better and if he would be back to work the next day, but he didn't respond.
During this time, I started looking for another job, especially after when he disappeared with his lost phone.
I got another job in the same company , different location.
I took some time off from work because I couldn't handle his hot-and-cold behavior.
When I returned for my last week at the old office, we spent the entire week together, talking and having fun, kissing. I had told him that i like his eyes and will miss seeing his face, to which he said that his face is getting old.
On my last day, we had plans to go out after work, but he canceled, claiming he was feeling sick.. i said something about me making him feel better and he apologised saying he is feelinf very sick.
After starting my new job, I texted him something work-related, and he provided some advice. When I asked how he was doing, he only answered my question and didn't initiate any further conversation. I later needed him to sign a document for me, so I emailed him, and he responded just 20 minutes before the deadline on the next day.
Today, when I had to visit my old office (as I still work for the same company but at a different location due to the promotion I received), he saw me through the window. He briefly stared, seemingly surprised to see me there, and instead of going in the direction he was heading, he went to hide somewhere without even saying hello.
I can't help but question what is wrong with me and my self-esteem. This is not how I used to be, and even as I type this, I realize how messed up the situation is. I can’t adjust to my new workplace because all I do is think about him and if he acts like that due to the drugs. I don’t even know what i am looking for. I just want to forget him. I know that I made a good decision about moving workplaces but I miss the old one to the point that i just want to know what he is doing all day 😵💫