Does anyone send their young kids to the abusive other parent and not have any contact with them until they get them back?

[Bossiellio]

Ex and I have only communicated via Solicitors. I have no contact with the man. He is abusive, court have found him to be abusive and made quite serious findings.
I am preparing for the prospect of sending young DD5 to him for unsupervised contact that is slowly built up over time until eventually it's overnights (I have to be prepared for this prospect).
We have no lines of communication to each other and I know ex won't allow me to speak to DD whilst she's there with him.
I'm just wondering how you get through it and if anyone else does this with their young children?
We have been court ordered to use a parenting app which I am preparing for but again, I don't think he'd tell me if there was an issue or if DD wanted to go home for any reason.
Just wondering how people get through it?

If your ex has been abusive, leaving your DD with him sounds like a serious step.
Is this a requirement from the court? Is your DD also at risk of abuse or does it only involve you?
Is there another party that could be present when your ex sees DD?

Yes, we're at final hearing stage and the recommendation is unsupervised to commence asap with prep for overnights in several months.
There have been very serious findings of domestic abuse but basically cafcass want me

It is shocking that they are ordering you to do that

That was supposed to say cafcass want me to do handovers with him.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
It's shocking how little support there is for abuse victims who still have to co-parent.
How is your support network? Do you have any professional help, therapy?
It can be a very lonely place, to have to carry the burden of parenting your child alone and also deal with the potential consequences of harmful behaviour from the other parent.
Be kind to yourself. You love your child and you're trying your best to protect her. You're doing all you can, but you can't get it right 100% of the time. Allow yourself to keep trying without expecting yourself to be perfect.

Hi op,
So sorry for your experience.
My x and I just started supervised visits with him and dc.
I am worried sick for the future when indeed there might come a time for unsupervised contact.
I find it difficult to understand why there should be, when abuse is fact.
What I found is that as a mother you can refuse to let your kids stay with an abusive ex. Police might come at your door, but there are no punitive consequences set up yet for this situation. Even when court ordered.
Perhaps someone here knows if this is still the case? As this was info from a few years ago.
I tell everyone who'll listen 'over my dead body, or it might be dc's'.
What I am saying is, maybe you can find out what happens if you don't comply to the ordered unsupervised visits. If the consequences are do-able, you keep your child with you.

I was in a similar situation. DC were not allowed to talk to me when they were with their father. He was doing this to punish me but in reality it only affected the DC. He would tell the DC I obviously didn't care about them because I wasn't phoning.

I would like to tell you different but this situation went on for over 10 years. People have no clue what the family courts are like.

What happened? Do your DC still see him?

Re not complying. Thats not an option, I've been accused of having such extreme anxiety that I'm capable of parental alienation.. so I doubt non compliance is an option as it could result in a transfer of residence.

They stopped seeing him at their request. I couldn't get them into the car. They are huge. Back to court we went and they don't have to see him any more.

I feel your pain

Yes plenty of evidence of abuse but cafcass wanted contact.

And no he never lets them contact me when they are with him. Even though court order says he should.

I feel awful for saying it but I can't wait for this day.

Same here. Findings of abuse of both me and DS (now 9) but exh got unsupervised contact, EOW and half holidays from the start. Occasionally I get photos of DS when they are on holiday. Otherwise no contact at all. It was hard at first but you get used to it. Sorry OP. The courts and Cafcass are not there to support you or the children. I found support from Women's Aid and groups like The Court Said and One Moms Battle on FB.