Noticing patterns in people's behaviour.

[AutisticThenAndAlsoNow]

I'm autistic and find other people hard to read so I observe a lot.

I look for patterns in behaviour.

My experience is that behaviours are a result of thoughts and feelings. If my experience of people is that they behave a certain way when they have certain thoughts/feelings/intentions, is it reasonable to assume that, when someone else behaves similarly, they have similar thoughts/feelings/intentions?

I find this to be a very reliable way of determining situations/people. But I see other people talking about doing this sort of thing and it being dismissed and referred to as 'overthinking' or comparing people which is considered wrong.

Because of this, I very rarely knee jerk reaction into making a decision about someone (in case I am misjudging them) and adopt a 'watch and see' approach to see if a behaviour was a one off (circumstantial) or part of a pattern but I've realised that I do make a decision fairly early on (even when I've given someone the 'benefit of the doubt') and I've not yet been 'wrong' about someone either. I do occasionally have a first impression of someone that turns out to be inaccurate but that is usually dispelled by the second or third impression. Unless someone feels very 'off' from the start, I tend to take people at face value to begin with and it's only when I know someone quite well that I start to notice patterns both good and bad.

If I notice a behaviour that I think means X, Y or Z, then I find that person goes on to exhibit other behaviours that fall into an predictable pattern.

Im rarely shocked that a person turns out to be very different to I thought down the line because I find there are usually 'tells' very early on.

This is the case in friendships, relationships and professionally.

It's often the case when someone's behaviours and words don't sit comfortably together, which feels very stark to me maybe because im paying such close attention to both.

I would be really interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this. I've been accused of being 'too black and white' in my thinking on this in the past but I just can't get past the thought that I've not yet been wrong in my assessment of a person/situation.

Thank you.

.

I can relate to some of what you say, however I think a lot of people make these conclusions subconsciously without thinking about it.

So where you are consciously reconciling behaviours with "tells" and future actions, you are doing it by thinking it through rather than it just being "that is what I think about that person" because most people do have impressions and assessments of people. I think that is where the "overthinking" statement cones from. I (and maybe you) have to consciously understand people but for others it comes naturally - i may be projecting but thats how i assess it for me.

i have got to the point from managing a lot of people now that i have confidence in my assessment but am v conscious that for others they make the same conclusions without seemingly thinking about it but i believe their brain is working it out for them in the background as a matter of course.

There are also people who have no understanding of other people and don't even try.

Hmm, yes that makes sense.

I've tried explaining it to people who have said that I'm overthinking it and should just accept people as they are which I do understand but accepting people as they are to me means they're not going to change and you decide whether to live with that. And I generally decide that I won't if I don't like it.

For some people it seems to mean don't question and just ignore the behaviours but they then appear surprised by people down the line. Maybe those are the people telling me I'm overthinking.

I also agree that some people don't understand or try to.

Thank you for your reply.

There’s understanding a pattern of behaviour, and then there is compassion, these are two different things, some people never make it to the compassion part.

Compassion isn’t always an appropriate response.

Anyway, I’m trying to say it’s also important to see people as individuals having unique experiences of life, even if the patterns appear the same.
Deal with people on a case by case basis, the lines do not have to be set in stone.

I observe people's behaviour, too. For me, it has a negative impact on my life because I'm constantly observing others' behaviour, I have no idea why I do it but its draining for me, rather than being able to just listen to someone talking, I'm looking for body language, facial expressions, any signs of what they may be feeling. I am not diagnosed with autism, though my son is. I wonder if I have autism too, or its something that we all do to some level?

Thanks. Yes, that is true. I was specifically meaning when people do things I don't like.

I agree it's draining and that i also see things that others don't.

I can't read people very well so I find this the best way of understanding them.