Wedding ring

[Dippydoopy]

So, my husband and I have been married 12 years. In that 12 years I’ve never had a wedding ring, also didn’t get a engagement ring until about a year into our marriage.. this week my husband decided to take me to get a wedding ring made, we went in and I told the guy exactly what I wanted. Husband is now super angry and not talking to me because I didn’t ask his opinion (I did, and what he suggested I really didn’t like) and also angry because he said I put no thought into it and it wasn’t special, which I responded I have known exactly what wedding band I wanted since I got my engagement ring ( all I want is I thin plain band, as my ring is so beautiful I didn’t want to take away from it) I also told him that what he liked I really didn’t like and I’m the one that will be wearing it to which he responded with yes but im the one that’s paying for it.
i feel like absolute shit now and just want to cancel the ring.

I don’t really know what I want people to say, I’d like to know if you think I’m being a bitch or not.
I just really need to have a rant

Your husband is childish and potentially abusive. What is he like on a daily basis? Does he get angry over minor things a lot?

Omg I feel for you.

I wouldn't cancel the ring. But I'd seriously question the marriage.

Then, if you need to, cancel.

Out of curiosity, what did he have in mind?

That's chilidsh at best and controlling at worst. He's not the one wearing it. Such elegance in a simple band.

@Dippydoopy why the hell did you have to wait for 12 years to get a wedding ring??????

I think a wedding ring is to symbolise your commitment to each other. If it's going to be a reminder of what a numpty he is being, yes, I would delay it until you've sorted out all this unnecessary drama he's causing.

I don't even think I told dh what sort of wedding ring I was getting (I bought it myself). He bought my engagement ring, but I designed it. I didn't have any say in what wedding ring he got, though we did look at them together. I may have offered my thoughts about them, but he got what he liked.

@bluejelly to be honest, yes he gets angry a lot! Over the stupidest things!!

@Spencer0220 what he suggested wasn’t terrible it’s just something I really didn’t want. As I said I’ve had 12 years to think about what I want. I had absolutely no input for my engagement ring, I didn’t even know I was having one, I love my engagement ring it’s beautiful but I just wanted/thought I’d get to decide on my wedding ring.

@Jammeroo thank you, that’s exactly what I want something elegant and timeless.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld i have no idea, family has been saying for years I need one but he’s just kept brushing it off. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want a ring?

@mindutopia we went together and I ask his opinion then when I said oh I don’t really like that, he then went into a sulk and wouldn’t talk the entire time we were there!!
he said I ruined the experience and that clearly I don’t care because at least I’m getting something out of it. To which I replied that, that is a hurtful thing to say and he just carried on with arguing about it. He doesn’t want a ring at all, so I’m at a bit of a loss as to why he’s acting like this. But the comment he made about him being the one paying really got to me as he often makes sly comments about money.

Sorry to hear that.

the comment about he is paying and reserving his right of what ring you should be having is really off putting.

not only that, now when you wear the ring you would also have negative association. As of he reluctant to give you the ring.

if I were you, I will quite bluntly say if you not happy to pay for that ring , I wouldn’t want it and I will cancel it. See what he said.

if you not happy, he won’t be happy.

I go by the motto “happy wife, happy life”

What he means is -I’m the one who’s controlling you.

If he appears with a ring I'd tell him to shove it

But I'm petty like that

Well, to be fair to him, he has been saving up for it for 12 years!

yes he gets angry a lot! Over the stupidest things!!

He’s being stupid about the ring, OP. But more importantly, why do you tolerate his tantrums in your everyday life? He sounds horrible.

This is more concerning than whether you have a ring or not.

Although I don't understand why you'd get married in the first place without a ring - and before someone says 'cost' they really don't have to cost that much.

I got married without a ring, we went for the non ring ceremony at the register office, not compulsory to have one.

Well he took the pleasure out of that purchase! He acted like a spoilt child, he didn’t get to choose so he sulked, I mean really. As he wasn’t going to be the one wearing the ring, he should have been big enough not to expect the lions share of the say….and to then cheapen himself further making reference as to who was paying for it…..words fail. I’m so sorry he spoilt a very special moment.