I feel like I’m slowly suffocating in a life where I don't feel comfortable or at home, and it's becoming unbearable every day & partner says it’s normal to a couple or I’m just angry and it will pass away. Recently, my partner and his sister decided we should move from London to Cumbria, which stressed me out a lot because I had to pack everything and find a place to store it. It wasn't easy—I spent over 20 days packing and organizing everything by myself, with no help. Before we moved, I accidentally deposited his HMRC check of £1300, thinking it was mine because I misread J to C name initials. I also expected a refund from VAT returns. When my partner found out about the check, he got really upset and accused me of being a thief. He even said I could lose my citizenship and be deported if I didn't pay it back. I asked him for the HMRC letter I needed to sort it out, but he didn't give it to me until I went to my country in December. I also asked him if I can give his money but he replied it doesn’t work that way. When I came back in January, he started threatening me again, saying the door is open and I could leave anytime so I left in the evening walked to the storage space I’m renting then slept on the floor in the cold, which made me sick for two weeks. I finally called my bank to return the money to HMRC.
The worst thing he did was hide our son’s passport. He said I couldn’t take our son out of the country, even though I bought the ticket in March so in December, I went on holiday back home alone. He said I couldn't take our son because the night before the flight, our 4-year-old found a cutter in my box, and he accused me of being careless that our 4 year old son could have cut his self. Even though he initially said no in November, he hid our son’s passport all those times. The airline only refunded me 100 GBP, and my partner said it’s my fault.
Our new place doesn’t have much furniture—just a bed, tables, and shelves that I provided when we were in London. We wanted to get a sofa for comfort, so he agreed he’ll look at the auction in town. After three months of waiting for him to find one, I bought it myself last week, and it's supposed to be delivered today. When I told him about it the day I bought, he was okay at first, but last night before the delivery, he changed his mind. I explained how we needed it for comfort, especially during movie time with our child. Sitting on the wooden coffee table is uncomfortable, especially when our boy sits on my lap—he's heavy. Having a sofa helps me relax after a long day of work, pushing the pram up and down the hill, and cooking dinner. It seems like he's content seeing me struggle all the time. He acts superior, especially when he talks about his education from a top London university, while he belittles my own education telling me I’m ignorant who finished secondary school. He's been unemployed for years, which might be why he's making things difficult. To help him focus on his job search, I pay the extra hours for our son at preschool and care for our child- cook, feed, wash, dress, and push him up and down the hill twice a day then take him out on weekends.
I only have 5 hours to work for 3 days then 3 hours for 2 days because of all the responsibilities with our child and at home. Selling online is my main source of income, and if I work less, I make almost no sales. Despite what my partner says about me not contributing financially, I still do the grocery shopping and recently dehumidifier as he requested for it. I use the same card every time so it shows up on the statement. He once said it's just for me, but it's not true because when I cook I use it for everyone, especially our child. My partner pays for the rent and bills, so he has more control. He always reminds me that door is open and I can leave anytime.
I'm not content with our relationship as it’s getting bad every day, I often feel more like a servant than a partner, and I've been searching for an exit. Living with him is challenging because he questions everything and keeps on arguing until he gets his way. He insists on returning to London because he complains about the cold in Cumbria. I want to establish myself here, but his constant pressure to move back is preventing me from finding a place to settle. I'm also unable to focus on selling my inventory (mostly still in the box) because I'm always worried about the potential move. If we relocate to London and I share a place with friends, I'm concerned about still being able to spend time with my son. Ideally, I planned to have him once a week, or if his father agrees, he could stay with me while his dad visits. I desperately need help deciding what to do, but I can't bear to leave my child behind.