I have a friend who I met around 5 years ago. We met through a support group for an illness that we were both being treated for at the time. Both recovered now although my friend sadly has some ongoing side effects from her treatment whereas I fortunately have avoided this.
a couple of years ago I moved out of the area (about two hours away to a major city). But I still go back to visit family and I will sometimes see her for lunch or drinks on those weekends. She has come to stay at mine for a night a couple of times.
we don’t have much in common, apart from the illness but we get along on a superficial level and usually have a fairly nice time. I try and support her with her health issues but a lot of the time she seems annoyed when I ask how she is and doesn’t ask me how I am (she is quite self involved) but I understand it can be hard not to be if you have a lot of stressful things going on with your health.
I’ve noticed that when we see each other for a couple of hours it’s better. But when she comes to stay at mine for a night we run out of things to talk about after an hour or so. Especially when we’ve been out for the night it’s a really bad vibe and I just end up wanting to go home. She always complains about the places I suggest we go to and her mood will dampen the whole evening. I have suspected that she is just wanting to come to my house to go on nights out to go clubbing and man hunt. Which I don’t really want to do. At Christmas I bumped into her and I was in a great mood, she asked me if she could come for a weekend in the new year. I felt on the spot and like I couldn’t really say no, so I agreed. We arranged for a weekend in feb. I’ve tried to change this by apologising and saying I had forgot I had a family party on that day and suggested the next weekend but on a Sunday where we meet halfway for lunch or dinner. She has said she wants to do the Saturday before instead and come to me for a night out.
really stuck on what to say back. I’m happy to meet up with her for a couple of hours but don’t want her staying at mine as I don’t want to go clubbing and we don’t have enough to talk about. Did I mention that when she stays she wakes me up early because she wants to leave early and I must walk her to her car!
ive already suggested the day she is suggesting but she previously said she couldn’t do it. So I can’t now suddenly say I’m busy which would be my go to excuse.
I feel quite guilty because of her health she has been having a shit time and always says I’m her best friend. She dosnt have many friends so maybe I am to her. But I don’t feel the same as I don’t like the way she treats me and we don’t have that much in common.
does anyone have an idea of how I can get out of this without hurting her feelings? Thanks!