My husband has left me.

[iwantanaga]

We have had it tough over the last 4 years or so, young children and long work hours for him have given us very little time together and the rot obviously set in. But I never,never, never thought that we would part.

So, I need practical advice. I need to be busy, sort things out, or I will cry. And I don't want to. Cos he might come back.... I want him to come back.

OK, enough of the emotional, or I will well up - what do I do??? I am a SAHM, no income, we have a house/mortgage with the usual bills, no savings (thanks to the usual bills) and a car. No benefits bar 2 x child allowance. I'm guessing that I need to see the CAB to see what I do with the money side. I need to get a job but can't do more than 3 days as I won't have childcare for more than that. Is this feasable?? Would a solicitor be more use than the CAB? Do I get a free consultation?

DH won't speak to me, so I have no idea what money is available to pay the mortgage this month, I don't know where he is, but guess he is paying to stay somewhere, this will mess up our usual finances as there is never anything left over... do I contact the bank? Oh grief, I am at a loss.

I intend to have fun with the chidren over the weekend. But I have to DO something on Tuesday. I really, really need you guys to tell me what to do then.

I so want my dh to come home. We've been talking about me going back to work to ease the strain on him. I'm taking the pessimistic approach here, trying to sort everything myself, so that when he comes home he won't have half the worry. I'm kidding myself though. I don't think he will come back. I've never known pain like this.

But enough of my ramblings. Thank you if you have got this far.

oh this is so sad.

do you know mroe of WHY? can you try and see if he will go to relate etc?

def get in contact with a solicitor or cab asap though.

sorry i cant be of more practical help

xx

right. You need to talk to him. Why has he just left now? Abdicating responsibilities and leaving you with no income or support. D

right. You need to talk to him. Why has he just left now? Abdicating responsibilities and leaving you with no income or support. D

Hi, your right you need to get practical.

Do all the bils come out of a joint account?

Will H not talk to you at all?

It might be an idea to speak to the bank and the motgage peple to let them know what is happening.

CAB will help you go through everything.

If uou are not working you might be eligible for income support and I think child tax credits. If you are working 17 hours or over you will claim working tax credits plus child tax credits.

He will have to pay maintenance. if on income support it will have to be throught the CSA and will come of your income support, if on working tax credits you don't have to go through CSA and maintenance payments don't affect your tax credits.

I have been there too - you poor thing and with the long bank holiday ahead too.

Do you have any idea why he left - any idea where he has gone. He surely will want to stay in touch for the children and not want to see them suffer.

I did not see banks - i was adviced to carrry on pretty much as normal but do watch if he closes accounts. You can get the courts to stop him doing this. He should not be 'hiding' money and a solicitor will advice but if he already has dont know what you can do.

Keep accounts from now on as to what you NEED to live on - keep things as normal as if he were still there - dont cut back as if you do end up splitting up you may need to show what he needs to pay you.

Dont even worry about going back to work at the moment - it is too stressful and you will not be giving your best. Also remember he is just as responsible for taking care of the children as you are its just that you have choosen together to stay at home and not employ someone.

I know it is hard but do try and focus on what you want now and be kind to yourself - ask for as much help as you can and dont be too proud to let others help. This is not your fault - he is the one who has left not you.

Hope you feel a bit better soon but i do know it is a rollercoaster of emotions from now on.

FWIW Im going through similar just a few more weeks down the lione from you - in shrot he cant kick you out of house yif mtge is in jt names you are entitled to at least 50% and possibly under the childrens act may be able to get him to pass the remaining wuity in trust for his kids till end of dependency fte.
Also you are netitled to 15% of his NET income - as maintenance - be aware though that if kids stay with him more than 52 nights per yr this reduces and same with any tac credits you may be entitled to. Speak to Job centre/cab if you can - also see if you can get legal aid for a solicitor. The other thing Keep a diary of how youre feeling and also conversations e amils etc you have with him - it may come in handy in the future in particular note timings of phone calls to kids visits etc. A solcitor is usefull if you do qualify for leagal aid try and get a specialist family lawyer. You may have to go to mediation - but think of it as Im doing everything possible to enable to best possible outcome for my kids.

Emotions will be all over the place - mine are no sleep/ eating erraticaly -(ive lost stone in 3 weeks and currently puke my guts up with anxiety when he calls dd or sees her) Im in the very bloody angry stage at the moment thye utter devastation is still there (my split was also unexpected and the told me by e mail he was sick of us together)

Chin up as they say post regularly on here and remeber you are the stong one as you are the one thats holding it together for the kids and keeping their life going as near as normal as can be - hes the coward for walking out and not talking (thats guilt by the way on his part ) also be prepared that there may be another reason as to why he went IYKWIM I cant think of many men that would walk out on their family if there wasnt soemthing else in their eyes more promising/exciting to go to.