Def going to leave

[Cheesecake1989]

So I have posted a few times before. I have been with my partner many many years. We have children together. We have had A LOT of ups and downs. He has got me into a lot of debt, spiked my drink twice with mdma and ketamine, sent me a message blaming me for him drinking. I take the kids to all their activities. He has no friends and the whole 20 years we’ve been together he’s barely came with me to any events over the years like family christening or parties. Due to his many addictions including gambling and drugs we are now in the situation where we both in good jobs but are renting. Our landlord has said that they want to sell. My partner I say this b loosely as it’s been three years since we slept together but the way he’s talking it’s like we are going to be just looking for a new rental property next year. I am secretly saving money as I am 49 now and feel this is my last chance for happiness and security for my kids and last chance to get on the property ladder. We have our current home until feb 2025. My issue is do I say to him now it’s over so we can both live in same home as we have been or do I go on as we are. A lot of his debt is in my name and I’m terrified to pee him off in case he turns round and says he won’t pay it.

You need to try and get him to pay down the debt because it will reduce the amount you can borrow on a mortgage

That’s why I’m not saying much as I think if I say I don’t want to be together he’ll take a huff and not pay. I hate myself for being in this position. Iv literally worked jobs from being 13 years old and even worked when I studied and I’ve got fuck alll to show for it. I will never let myself get into this situation again cx

A lot of his debt is in my name
why do so many women do this?!?!

op, stay quiet. Get him to pay off the debts however you can. Short term pain, long term gain. He has stolen years off you, dont let him take anything else.

The debts have to be the absolute priority or they will limit your future options when you leave him. Can they be paid off in the year.
Also you must ensure he can not take anymore out in your name.
So you push him to get them paid saying it will be really hard to find new rental if they are not paid. Don't give any hint you will be going your separate ways. Another year getting everything sorted will be well worth it in the long run.

It’s easy for u to say if h haven’t been in this position. The thing is they know everything about you as are probs closest person to you. I didn’t knowingly ask him to put the debt I. My name. Please don’t make me feel any worse than I do.

Thank you, this is really helpful as it’s what I was planning but thought everyone would be saying to just tell him xx

'spiked my drink twice with mdma and ketamine'

Why did g you go to the police?

He told me 18 months after so there would be absolutely no proof.

I do appreciate what you’ve said in that he’s taken years off me. He has. Honestly no one could hate me or be more ashamed of me than I a m hence why I’m posting on here and not confiding in my friends and family.

He should feel ashamed, not you.

You are taking very sensible steps now to improve. Don't tell him what you're doing, focus on getting him to pay the debts down or transfer to his name. Get some advice from citizens advice or step change. Build your credit rating.

When you are ready, leave him.

No, you have to look after number 1 now and that's you and the kids. He's bottom of the list.

Prioritise yourself because he will be prioritising himself.

You can hang on for a year, get that debt paid down as much as you can. You know he will leave you to pay the rest as soon as you pull the plug on the relationship so get as much money out of him as you can.

PP are right, tell him you will need to be able to pass a credit check to rent a house and the debt will need to go before you move.

Please get some legal advice OP. You can get half an hour free. They will advise you of the best course of action