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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband giving me silent treatment

10 replies

ArtisticMomof2 · 31/01/2024 14:28

Hello Ladies!

I am sure I am not alone in this. Back last year in March 2023, my oldest daughter's bio dad (my husband is her step-father) found a stray dog in another state. She begged my husband and I to take in the dog. I reluctantly said yes, and my husband was skeptical that my daughter would take responsibility for the dog, but he gave her a chance anyways. A month or so after we took the dog in, it soon became my full responsibility to care for the dog. I was very disappointed that she didn't want anything to do with the dog because the dog turned out to be too much work. My husband is a truck driver and is only home on the weekends or every other weekend. So, he was limited in what he could do to help me. At first, I was in love with the dog, but the hectic nature of life and how chaotic my household became with the dog became too much for me! I began to dread coming home and caring for the dog. I felt like the dog hijacked my life. The dog was too high energy and needed a lot of training and would have accidents on the floor. Fast forward to September 2023, I told my husband how unhappy I was and that the dog needed to be rehomed. He agreed to it but was against it at first until things started to get worse. He knew the dog was on a waiting list since September to go to a shelter. Well three weeks ago, I got a call from one of the shelters. They said they could take the dog in soon. I gave her up last week, and my husband was on board with the whole thing, at least on the surface. When I told him that I was going to take her in to the shelter that day, he was aware of it. As soon as he called me back that evening and I told him the dog was gone, he basically went into defense mode and said that I must be happy about this. He said would call me later that day to talk further. I didn't hear from him the rest of the week and into the weekend. I texted him to ask when he was coming home, and I never got a response. Almost a week went by until yesterday, I got a response back. He said that he was "emotionally dead", and he said he didn't know how long silent treatment would go on. Now, I am left with feeling ostracized. He hasn't even answered my girls' calls. They are very upset about it too.

Basically, I am trying to see his side of things when he knew this was going to happen and he agreed; even though I knew he was not happy about it. He doesn't want to talk to me and is cutting me off emotionally. I feel this is abusive, and a healthy couple should be able to air their differences.

Has anybody gone through this before? He is in his own bubble and not even wanting to talk about it.

Thanks so much for listening and look forward to hearing from others.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 31/01/2024 14:29

I think he's using the dog as an excuse tbh.

ArtisticMomof2 · 31/01/2024 14:33

Thanks IncompleteSenten. I think you are right. He might be going through a midlife crisis or some other issue that has nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 31/01/2024 14:40

I would hazard a guess that he met someone else and this dog is a convenient excuse to go off radar and punish you all.

I'd get yourself some legal advice and prepare for a split.

frozendaisy · 31/01/2024 15:03

When he drags his sorry arse back inform him silent treatment is a form of abuse and if he thinks of pulling anything bordering abuse again he can go fuck himself.

Also remind him if he tries to point out all his negatives "feelings" that you thought he was emotionally dead.

Until then carry on like he doesn't exist, it's difficult getting the reaction from ignoring someone if they don't really notice.

Fraaahnces · 31/01/2024 15:05

I would be seeing a solicitor before he gets back. This is absolutely NOT about the bloody dog.

Cantalever · 31/01/2024 15:07

Are you sure this is about the dog? It seems unlikely if he knew it was getting rehomed, and had agreed to it.

ArtisticMomof2 · 31/01/2024 15:14

I think there is more to it, but I think he is going through a midlife crisis of some sort. I have done nothing wrong in this case. So, it is on him. I am not going to beg for him to call me. I will just keep calm and carry on with my business.

OP posts:
Westsussex · 31/01/2024 15:21

He sounds vile.

I'd get my ducks in a row, maybe speak to a solicitor whilst you have the space, I think this sounds like the beginning of the end. Sorry it's not nice for you or your girls being treated this way xx

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2024 15:23

Almost a week went by until yesterday, I got a response back. He said that he was "emotionally dead", and he said he didn't know how long silent treatment would go on. Now, I am left with feeling ostracized. He hasn't even answered my girls' calls. They are very upset about it too.

Cherchez la femme. Works away, started the script, cutting communications. There's another woman.

Justcallmebebes · 31/01/2024 15:33

I'd tell him not to bother bringing his moody, sullen, childlike behaviour home and find somewhere else to go and sulk

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