Sorry it’s a long one . My husband and I , together for over 20 years, 3 children, separated a few years ago, just before lockdown. We never really separated though, he still came round all the time, had tea at ours a couple of times a week, we got on well and still had sex on and off. During the time we were separated , we had discussed that if either of us wanted to see other people we would let the other one know, I’d asked him numerous times as felt I was getting such mixed signals from him. He always said no he didn’t want to see other people and was not even thinking about it as he had to sort himself out first before anything else.Anyway a friend at work showed me a guy on a dating site she was on and then flicked through a few faces and there was my husband. I obviously confronted him, he said he wasn’t on it anymore, his friend had suggested it, he realised it wasn’t right but just wanted to chat to someone. I believed him and he came off the site. We decided he would move back in about 8 months after this.first couple of months good , then it seemed to slide back into old routines, me doing everything, no affection and feeling like he had only come back as it was convenient and cheaper than him living on his own and renting somewhere. One of our children became ill and I was also not well waiting for test results so we became distant again , I felt something was wrong. I checked the dating site again and he had been back on it numerous times paying a month at a time over the last 6 months since he’d moved back in.
I also then started digging and found a folder on his iPad with photos of a woman I didn’t know. I found a booking for a weekend away , 3 months before he moved back in with me, I found he’d FaceTimed her on numerous occasions for at least an hour a time. When I confronted him he tried to lie, he said the photos were of somebody at work and she’d sent them to show him the clothes she was wearing, I eventually got it out of him though when he saw everything else I’d uncovered,she was a married woman, married to a man he worked for, they hadn’t gone away together, because he realised it was wrong , it actually had been cancelled the week before they were due to go, he said the last time he’d seen her was to tell her it was over and she was very upset as she had an abusive husband and he had to block her to stop her contacting him. Now we were separated and probably hadn’t had sex for the last 6 months but he was obviously seeing her for over a year that I could see from evidence I gathered, bank accounts details of drinks and meals that he admitted were with her and the photos were sent over the previous 2 years. I felt completely betrayed and that everything he’d told me was a lie , he admitted having sex with her but said he was lonely and she needed to talk to him about her terrible marriage. All this time though he was seeing me, even when I said I needed him to stop coming round and leave me to get over him , he knew I still loved him and kept me hanging on while he was also seeing this other woman and on dating sites. We had a huge fallout and discussion about whether we could go on , he said he had been very depressed and hated living on his own and was lonely, I tried to forgive him again and he seemed to be making a huge effort and things have been great for the past few months but this last couple of weeks I have been ill again with a virus and obviously not taking so much care of him as trying to get better. I had a feeling something was off with him again so have just checked his emails and the dating site and he was back on it again and sent a few likes to different people and also chatted then suspended his account again after 24 hours. I’ve looked back and he’s done this 3 times in January. If anyone has got to the end of this essay, tell me what you think. I think I’ve had the wool pulled over my eyes for a long time and I can’t believe anything he says, is chatting and going on dating sites cheating? Just going to have a look on the sites is bad enough, he admitted to seeing and having sex with the woman once when we were separated but said he ended it , I don’t believe him. I can’t trust him but am now in a much worse financial position than when he came back, he is terrible with money and has taken out another mortgage on the house without discussing it with me and all my savings has gone trying to keep us afloat . Tell me the truth of what you see here , is it as bad as I think and have I been sticking my head in the sand for too long?