How often do you have to talk your DP through a crisis?

[tiredandsad2001]

On average, once a day I end up talking DP down / through a work situation. He has an objectively annoying workplace but the situations are often routine irritations (people asking badly worded questions that don't make sense / people being inconsiderate etc). Its been like this for years.

I feel like I have a second job as a counsellor and it's a job I am not very good at (or he would be better at getting himself through these situations by now). He has depression and anxiety (so do I) but is too stressed by his work situation to seek help.

I've been thinking of getting therapy myself as I feel like I have compassion fatigue, but also I feel like I am uncaring because I can't always spare the emotional spoons to help him. Listening to him vent makes me anxious and then I feel like a bad person.

Outside of the venting everything is good / this is a snapshot etc. Just want to know if others have been in a similar position and what they did.

As it continues you ll just see him as an annoying colleague. If you step back he ll resent his missing emotional crutch. Ask yourself if it's his personality or his job. If the former he ll be the same everywhere. Had a long term relationship that ended from this. I realised I didn't miss them after because they had basically turned into their job....

He sounds like he would really benefit from a AMC group. AMC is Andy’s Man Club, a peer on peer group for men to meet on a Monday night and find coping skills for situations like this.

Seem to be more focused in the north but groups exist all over,

He sounds like he would really benefit from a AMC group. AMC is Andy’s Man Club, a peer on peer group for men to meet on a Monday night and find coping skills for situations like this

I think you mustn’t have read the op properly. This man does not need a support group because someone asked him a question at work. He would not embarrass himself trying to take up other men’s time about such petty issues and they wouldn’t indulge him.

Take this as a wake up all op. It’s gone too far. I think he will try and manipulate you and accuse you of being uncaring if you don’t listen to his crap. No wonder you’re depressed and anxious. Tell him to go and ring his dad/ brother or male friend about his really serious work problems.

What do you class as a crisis though? My DH and I both vent to each other about our work days, isn’t that just normal? Once we have aired each of our grievances, we get on with our evening.

A problem shared and all that.

I think you mustn’t have read the op properly. This man does not need a support group because someone asked him a question at work. He would not embarrass himself trying to take up other men’s time about such petty issues and they wouldn’t indulge him.

Take this as a wake up all op. It’s gone too far. I think he will try and manipulate you and accuse you of being uncaring if you don’t listen to his crap. No wonder you’re depressed and anxious. Tell him to go and ring his dad/ brother or male friend about his really serious work problems.

I think you’ll find that plenty of men at AMC “embarrass themselves with petty issues” every week. It’s those issues that have a habit of getting worse, resulting in suicide being the highest killer in men under fifty.

But what am i saying, you know all of this already. Your knowledge of this subject is clearly far better than anyone else’s. Better from him to keep his mouth shut and stop being a whining man before he’s dumped in favour of a 6’6 dream boy with a wash board chest and a six figure bank accout.

God this sounds exhausting OP. It’s certainly unusual!

Ive been married nearly 30 years and have only experienced this a few times, mainly big stuff like losing parents.

I would suggest that you look up the drama triangle and consider your role in this continued behavior. We all play roles and you only have complete control over how, when, why you react or don't react to this. This is how you can get others to change or adapt their behaviours but that isn't the driver, which is your reactions.