How can I learn not to take it so much to heart?

[flicky]

I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother,she is very very moody and when she is feeling aggrieved about something or with one of my siblings or even with something she heard on the tv,she will usually take it out on me.

Recently I have come to realise that when she is in a good mood with me,I am soo happy,I can feel my mood rising and I feel so positive about life and carefree but when she rings me to moan at me,my whole day is clouded and I find it hard to shake it off.

This is ridiculous,I am in my 40s and I don't need this,but what can I do?

Today she rang me and had a go because I bought ds some new shoes (he hasn't had a new pair since August and has worn those every day since ) and she thought they were too expensive at ?55.She asked how much they were,I told her and then she started.

I know I have to change my reaction to her,but how do I do it? I feel so stupid that she can affect me like this.

Sounds like you crave her approval for some reason? I think a lot of us do a lot of the time. It's maybe a question of working out why her opinion matters to you the way it does, and what you would feel like if you tried to let go, tried to convince yourself you are in your 40s now and you get the right to determine your own life, own mood etc. Just try it out a bit and see where it takes you!

Stately Homes thread

Your the family scapegoat...

Don't feel bad about it...her reactions and feelings are her responsibility...not yours. Pop onto the stately homes thread, just read a bit...you'll get the jist and post, you don't have to comment on anyone elses first or anything...its just an ongoing support thread for people with 'difficult' families...lots of people in the same boat as you...

wow, £55 for children's shoes?

sorry... (not sure why you're about her wearing the same pair of shoes every day though.

letting go of these kind of feelings is not an easy thing to do, especially when you're feeling low - so it's a vicious circle really.

I think you should make a start on being more positive by avoiding anything that will set her off (actually just lying about prices etc will be easiest). give yourself some space, as it were, in order to think / talk it through and find ways of letting it go.

as for how you let it go - different things work for different people. you could try limiting your reaction by counting to 10 (as your reaction is probably fuelling her behavious - stop reacting and she may stop doing it). or surround yourself with other people who do approve of you.