My life is falling apart

[Amsley1]

Hi everyone I’m new here. I came looking for advice. Very long story but from the minute I was born there has been one thing after another, heart ache after heart ache. I can’t ever get a break. I’ve been in my relationship for almost 2y now. As usual, the beginning was amazing. Then he changed and it’s only gotten worse since then. In September I had a ectopic pregnancy rupture which resulted in me loosing my right tube. So I’m still grieving from this, in this time he hasn’t made my life easy. Hes never happy and is quite horrible to me most days. He tells me to leave him all the time, is on my back constantly, moaning, telling me to shut up all the time, he’s telling me I’m not making him happy, that he’s miserable, I cause tension when I come in the room, punishes me if we’ve had an argument by withholding affection etc. the list could go on and on. I don’t really know what I’m asking but just wondering if anyone else is ina similar situation that can share with me. Some days he’s fine, but every time we have a tiny disagreement it blows up to the point where we are almost splitting up. It’s just happened again tonight, I’ve asked him several times could he try be a bit nicer to me and not be so horrible and make me cry all the time but he says I deserve it. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, we both work and I have a 6yo from another relationship and he has 2 other children who come and stay with us every 2nd week. I work, take kids to school pick them up, make dinner, clean the house, I run around after everybody and I am still getting a hard time. Apparently I’m “too sensitive” and he doesn’t try to apologise or act like he cares when he’s upset me. I seem to be crying all the time because of him. When I try to talk things through and sort it out, he isn’t interested. I can’t take anymore. I love him very much and want things to get better but nothing seems to be working. Thnks for reading

Surely you know you need to leave. You can't let your six year old grow up thinking this is how it's ok to treat women. There's nothing for you in this relationship.

He sounds like a true narcissist. I don't have any advice as narcissists thrive on control and he is doing that to you by constantly berating you and withholding affection.
I hope you can build up emotional strength to get out of this toxic relationship because you ' deserve ' better.

OP why are you putting up with this awful treatment? You know you have to leave him

Thanks for your replies. When I call him out on his behaviour he doesn’t even care, I’ve actually told him he seems a bit like a narcissist recently. But he claims I am this way, and everything I say he backfires on me telling me I do the same to him. All I ever do is try show him love and try makes sure he is happy and I get the odd day where he’s nice to me which then gives me hope then it all comes crashing back down again

I agree with this 100%.
I've just left someone like this and I'm feeling so much better, happier and free of him. Thank god. I'm sad it didn't work out but have recognised he didn't have what it would take to make things work, and never will. He'll do the same to every partner he has, but I didn't have to throw myself under the bus and let that be me.
Please leave.

Gosh he sounds absolutely cruel and toxic. You can't live like this and nor should you have to. He doesn't deserve you but you deserve to be treated so much better than this. You need to work out why you love someone very much who is so nasty to you.

Whilst you are drowning in his sea of shit you won't be able to find and reach all the wonderful breaks out there for you that you could yet catch.

He makes you cry every day!!! Leave him now, don’t give him a single chance to ever make you cry again.

Your poor child is watching him torcher you daily, this is not ok.

For the sake of you DC leave and do it now.

He sounds very abusive op. You must find the strength to end this relationship before you lose yourself completely. If that seems too hard right now, start by improving your sense of self worth and self esteem by investing your energy into yourself instead of trying to appease a man who will continually move the goal posts no matter how hard you try.

With hindsight, I realise I found it so difficult to leave my abusive ex for three reasons - sunken costs fallacy (we’d been together since I was 17), trauma bond (which I’d never heard of until several years after I left) and low self esteem from childhood trauma and being treated so badly for so long (I started to believe I deserved it and nobody would want me just like he often told me). Could you give some thought to what is stopping you from ending things with him? You sound so unhappy but I promise peace and happiness are just around the corner for you when you’re ready to take that little leap of faith x

So leave. You have one shot at life. No one but you is responsible for making yourself happy. You're not happy so do something about it.

Research trauma bonding. Trauma bonding occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. They may rationalize or defend the abusive actions, feel a sense of loyalty, isolate from others, and hope that the abuser's behaviour will change.
Why would you love anyone who treats you this way?

This is not a discussion to gave with him. Its not an argument you will win. A person who makes you cry, is mean to yoy, says shittty things to you—should be dumped. The first time a man said any if the shit your man says to you to me he’d be out on his ass. Because if someone tells you you aren’t good enough they hate you and want to tear you down. Why stay with someone like that?

Leave. Mostly horrible and occasionally he’s actually nice to you is not a relationship, it’s a nightmare. You take your dd, pack up and go.

This man doesnt love you.

Dump him.

You say it’s been one thing after another. Heart ache after heart ache. You need to stop seeing yourself a passive bystander in your own life. Only you have the power to change this, and work out why you seem to be repeating the same relationship patterns. It will take some deep inner work.

you need to start by leaving this loser and start seeing yourself as someone who is deserving of and capable of receiving better. You’ll be surprised at how quickly things can turn around. It’s hard, but worth it.

You know the people that like to torture animals? That’s him. He sees you as nothing and he enjoys torturing you. Being nice to you on some days is part of the torture.

Leave him. Don’t expose your child to anymore of his behaviour.

Get out ffs! Don't be a doormat forever! Why on earth are you still there!

Why are you still there. It will never get better. This should be your honeymoon period.

You say you have had a difficult life from birth (which I’m very sorry to hear) but now imagine your child in 10/15 years repeating stories from his childhood of his mother in awful turbulent relationships and how horrible it was for him and how it’s negatively shaped his views on relationships from himself etc.

You have the power to stop and re-write history before it’s even happened. Leave this toxic relationship and work hard on yourself as an individual and a mother to become the best version of yourself so your child can grow up and instead tell stories about his happy childhood with his mum and how he saw an independent strong woman raise him and teach him how to love himself and others properly.

reach out to charities, local groups and even people at your sons school. Life can and will get better, you just have to decide to take the steps to start.

You need to leave. Communication required and emisor and a receptor, if the receptor is shut down there is no way the emisor can send a message. Doesn't matter how or when you want to fix things or talk to him, he doesn't care about it.