How often do you visit grandparents?

[one2buckletheshoe]

We are trying to sort a time to visit Grandma but I find myself saying well on this day child X has this event and on this day child Y has this event and on this day and so on. They both have quite busy extra curricular activities and at 13 and almost 15 like to spend any free time they have with their friends. She doesn't live local, 45 minutes by car.
So how often in particular those with teens do you visit the grandparents?

Are you talking about your grandparents that you'd like to visit with your own teenage children (making them their great-grandparents)?

Or are they your parents, and the childrens grandparents?

The OH mum, so their Grandma.

Well, I grew up living with my paternal grandmother, who I was and still am very close to. We see each other every week, still now.
My brother is also close to her, but will see her maybe once a month. He does call more frequently.

Maternal grandparents typically on every celebration. Birthdays, holidays, family gatherings. Maybe once every 2-3 months generally.

My children see their grandparents more often, but that's because they come to us rather than expecing us to visit them. Especially with teenagers it's nice to have them come and go as they please, rather than spend hours sitting down with their grandparents.

I think it all depends on the relationship the parents have with their own parents. My mum wasn't close to her parents, so we didn't see them very often.
As teenagers with busy schedules, we did tend to do our own thing and not want to spend as much time with elderly grandparents.

Do you always have to take your children with you when visiting? Does your OH not visit his parents on his own?

Thanks for the reply. Unfortunately his mum has never come to visit us she's always expected us to visit her, which we did when the girls were younger and didn't have activities and friends.
I just feel a bit guilty that we don't visit much now they are older and was wondering if it's the norm. The last time we saw her was Xmas eve to drop gifts off and the next time is likely to be her birthday in March combined with early Easter visit.
Re the comment of their grandparents coming to you, we suggested that thinking that way for example she could be here say a Friday for when they get home from school and even stay if she wants but she wants us to go to her. OH works away a lot so Friday is spent travelling home most weeks so coming to us would be ideal.
We don't visit her without the children, she isn't really interested in us two, just the children.
I'm sure we will work something out that suits us all but was curious how often teens visit/have grandparents visit. I seem to remember spending a lot of time with my grandparents (they aren't here now) but life seemed different then.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about how she feels.
The way I see it, there is zero flexibility on her end, zero active participation in your lives, zero effort to not just be a grandmother but also a mother(-in-law).
That makes sense if she would be elderly, unable to drive, struggling with her health, ... That doesn't seem to be the case, which just makes her entitled.

Any grandparent who really wants to be an active part of your lives, could manage to do so. You're not denying her anything. She's choosing not to take opportunities.

Mine are still a bit younger, but we see MIL about once every other month or so, so every 8-10 weeks maybe. The difference is she comes to us (her partner won’t allow us to visit her house, which is a whole other bloody issue!) and usually stays for the night.

I think every 4-8 weeks is perfectly acceptable and I think teens have to accept that sometimes you have to miss something to go visit family. 45 minutes isn’t far at all. It’s a trip for a cuppa and a chat or lunch. That can easily be scheduled around activities or meeting up with friends.

I think it’s also important though that your OH assuming these are his parents maintains his own relationship with them and that doesn’t have to involve your or dc coming along on every visit. Dh always wants me and dc along on every visit with his family because he doesn’t actually want to spend time with him on his own, but I’ve put my foot down. I don’t enjoy them any more than he does, so not my job to facilitate those visits or give up my time for them.

When I was a kid it was 3 times a year. And that was plenty, from the kid point of view.