Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stuck in the middle of friends relationship issues

4 replies

Blomdd · 30/01/2024 08:21

Been friends with a couple for 10+ years. No issues until he had an affair with a woman he worked with. I was there through it all but remained friends with them both because they have decided to work it out. They have three kids under 7 and she is still hurting. It happened during covid. The last couple of times I've gone round they've both tried talking to me about it when one on one which feels incredibly awkward. I feel sorry for her and have lost respect for him. I am much closer with her and my loyalties would be with her should they separate. I'm not really even sure what my question is, I guess I just need to hear about how others have coped with supporting very close friends through similar issues. I have my opinions, that she should leave etc, but she won't because it would break the kids, and I keep my opinion about this to myself as it didn't go down well when I gently suggested that this was an option (she panicked at the thought). Can anyone whose partner had an affair what they needed from their friends when their relationship was in turmoil?

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 30/01/2024 09:13

You're only stuck in the middle because you're allowing yourself to be. Support your female friend and talk to her one on one if that's what she needs. Her cheating husband has learnt nothing and is still seeking out inappropriate emotional connections, this time with you. Shut him down.

Seaoftroubles · 30/01/2024 09:15

You cant have a supportive foot in both camps, plus he was the one who had an affair! I would keep it cool but polite with him and try to a avoid seeing them both together if possible.Save your support for your friend and see her separately.

Rainbowshine · 30/01/2024 09:20

Just listen, and don’t provide any advice, suggestions or similar. If they’re trying to use you as a counsellor, I would say “I’m not a counsellor, I don’t think I’m the best person to talk to about this”. Ditto asking you about legal issues, money etc. Stay as uncommitted as you can and try not to go into “fixing” mode. It’s their issue to deal with, not yours. Yes they will talk about it but you are not obliged to do anything about it.

Watchkeys · 30/01/2024 15:10

You're not stuck. Choose your allegiance and state it, or ask both not to talk to you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread