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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stuck and don't know what to do.

1 reply

Frenchfancy77 · 29/01/2024 16:50

First time poster.
Just looking for abit of advice on my current relationship situation. I am a SAHM of 3 oldest is 6.5 youngest is 2. My MIL has a horrible brain injury at the fault of someone else I can't go to much into it but she has been in hospital/ rehab for 9 months now. It's absolutely horrific and has been for our whole family.
My mother is dead so I have very little family support and my kids are with me 98 percent of the time. My partner works Monday to Friday and every second Saturday. Every Sunday he goes to visit his mum in the rehab it's and hour drive each way and he spends 2 hours there. Unless I go with him I don't really like him bringing our children as because of MIL injury she can have problems walking and can have aggressive outbursts. It wouldn't be safe for him to bring kids on his own.
I'm exhausted and although I understand it's his mum I feel as though our family life at home is being negatively effective in quiet a major way at times. He doesn't feel like it's a priority to put us first when it's needed. I have suggested that one weekend a month that he just does not visit her and we do something nice with the kids he seems to think this is selfish of me and cannot guarente that he wont turn around and give out saying im preventing him from seeing his mother.
I'm exhausted I'm parenting 3 small children on my own the majority of the time 6/7 days a week all while trying to keep my own mental health in check and while trying to do a course in early childhood care . I'm both mentally and physically exhausted.
I don't know how much longer I can continue on like this. I feel very unheard and I don't think out family is his priority really right now. Do I need to just suck it up and cop myself on or is it time to accept that maybe I just need to take a step back and detach from him. (I love him an awful lot )

OP posts:
Anothernick · 29/01/2024 17:12

So he only spends one whole day with the family every fortnight. That is not a fair balance - your suggestion that he cuts out one of the Sunday visits each month is perfectly reasonable. He should also be in charge of the kids for weekday evenings from time to time so you get some time off. If the thinks these suggestions are selfish then that is a red flag - it is not selfish to expect a parent to spend onw full weekend a month with the DP and kids.

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