Sad and lonely in my 50s

[Isthismyforever]

Need advice. I've been divorced for about 10 years. 2 dcs grown up & left home I've tried old several times & it's never worked for me. I signed up to Bumble again this weekend & only matched with 1 person. I sent a message & he didn't reply so it's now timed out. I don't want to be on my own. I mean, after this long I'm happy enough & used to it but it's not what I want. I have a good job, friends but not much of a social life. I just don't know how to actually meet someone. For context I've had 3 brief relationships in 10 years, all met on old. One guy got sick & eventually dumped me after about 6 months. He did get back in touch but I decided I wasn't willing to give it another go after the way he behaved.1 turned out to have a drink problem so I walked away. The third wasnt even really a relationship, he was only interested in meeting up for sex when he wasnt busy. I've done the freedom programme & think i have good boundaries. Advice welcome or do i just resign myself to a single life?

My advice is to stop OLD and get out there and do something you enjoy and see where it leads

Just this!!! Take up a new hobby that allows you to meet. Have a look at Meetup website to see what going on in your area.

I am in your age range and while personally I’m not looking some of my friends are single. The one that is is very unhappy and open about this with me as it’s a long friendship has made finding a man the focus of her life the others that are coping far better with being single are doing lots of things and thinking a great man is on their hit list but trying lots of stuff is more important. I met one through a women’s hiking group, there are mixed ones groups as well. She goes out every weekend on an hike and she has taken herself off overseas for two week long breaks in the last six months.

Did you have some good years in your marriage? The friend who is very unhappy has never had a good relationship though married twice. The others have had at least some years of a loving good relationship even though stuff has gone wrong at some point.

Advice welcome or do i just resign myself to a single life?

How about deciding to embrace it instead of treating it as some sad inevitability that's second best to a relationship?

As I've said I'm happy enough & used to it after this length of time but it's not what I want. Nothing against people who do want this & nothing wrong with it but it's not what I want. Having recently spent some time in hospital I've realised I miss having someone in my life. My parents are elderly & my dcs have moved out & I feel very alone at times. I have great friends but I miss having a partner.

Thank you. I had never heard of meetup so have had a look but there doesn't seen to be much in my area. Of the 15 groups posted only about 3 would be suitable due to age & other restrictions but nothing that really interests me. I'm already in a women's walking group so maybe I'll look for a mixed group instead as that is something I enjoy. Also noticed that Bumbke can be used to find friends as well so maybe it's time to expand my social circle.

What are you interested in OP?

Crafts, exercise, green issues, books, theatre?

So for example parks trusts usually have monthly meet ups for volunteers to help tidy and repair green spaces. There are many local amateur dramatics groups, choirs.

Have you looked at your local churches?

Follow your interests basically.

I think it’s a bit of a numbers game with old. You have to literally really go for it, across many apps and platforms and be prepared to be really ruthless and block and delete a lot. A lot. I also met with a lot of people I wasn’t really too sure about just for a daytime coffee as sometimes people don’t always come across well online but there might be a spark in real life and if it’s just a short daytime coffee you can always make excuses and escape. I did this with now dh and we ended up chatting for 3 hours. I was just about ready to pack it in by that stage. We’ve been together 15 years now.

I’m also in my 50’s and I would say you need to expand your social circle and make a life for yourself without a partner.

I know you say being single not what you want but there’s a lot of women in same position who have realised that a relationship in later life isn’t always easy to find and made a great and busy life with friends.

I get what you mean about not wanting to be single whilst being happy with your life. You can still be happy and fulfilled but want someone to share your life with. It's not an either or.

I'm happy, my life is good but I would like someone to share my life with. Its the little things that you miss. One example, I was ill yesterday with tonsillitis instead of me dragging myself to the shop make up free, looking like death it would have been nice to have someone to go and buy me the ice cream.

God knows how I'll meet them because I refuse to do OLD.

This is it exactly. I drove myself to hospital & home again after 5 days. I lied to the nurses saying someone was coming to meet me. I was ok to drive but just wanted to have someone to look after me 😪