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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over this?

6 replies

megxa · 28/01/2024 16:35

I don’t even know where to start and I think iv came here for some honest brutal advice
(not too brutal I’m fragile 😂)

I am easily and always have been a very hard hearted person.. until THIS ONE

it starts off with the rockiest of starts, my now ex we got talking things were great, he had a child I have children also.
our relationship was blossoming well atleast I thought.. then he started acting shady, disappearing for a week at a time, complaining he was down and depressed.
long story short me and his baby mum are familiar with eschother, one day we got talking and his baby mum told me he had a girlfriend he had recently moved in with and that she knew nothing about me and that she was shocked to hear.
at the time I knew nothing about this other women I fell pregnant in which he baisicly told me I had no choice to have an abortion.. of course reasons & plus the fact she was ALSO pregnant and she had gotten an abortion too (I know disgusting male)
this caused a break for us obviously. He then came crawling back he left her for me bla bla and stupidly at the time I took him back, he cut ties with the other woman and we moved foreward of course I forgiven him but never fully and I would never forget what he did and what I had been through. But all in all we were great very happy all of our own kids were happy together.
all of a sudden things changed but not a big change just small, we tried for a child together which was jointly agreed on ( stupid now I’m aware) I fell pregnant, he then decided he doesn’t want that and pressured and pressured for another abortion.
I stood my ground and eventually he told me he was coming around to the idea but over the last couple of weeks things just got progressively worse, him acting very shady, a spare phone that was in the house has gone missing with no explination, all of a sudden wanting to spend more time away from home and out with friends or working, of course I had suspicions so I approached him and what I got in return was just abuse, shouting that it was all my fault I don’t trust him I’m ruining us beacuse I don’t trust him, this baby in my tummy ruined us, he’s mentally I’ll and he can’t deal with me, just a whirlwind out of nowhere.
he left yesterday and I’d be lying if I said I’m not struggling but why on earth can’t I just see what this man has put me through and say oh no this is enough.

someone how do I move on?
I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant and he just upped and left said it’s not for him he’s falling out of love with me but then In other sentences telling me he loves me he would love it to work but he can’t see a way foreward.
i feel dizzy!

what on earth is going to help me

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 28/01/2024 16:51

To be brutally honest you need to stop living in a soap opera and think about being a decent mother, rather than anything else. He's a pathetic, cheating waste of space (which you know). Neither of you sound fit to parent - despite already having children with other people.

It's time to grow up and decide whether you are going to bring up another child as a single parent, or whether you might consider another abortion.

And next time you might consider actual contraception.

Muffin777 · 28/01/2024 16:55

You knew what he was like and yet you got pregnant anyway. Why would you bring a child into this?

PaminaMozart · 28/01/2024 16:59

There really isn't much to add that hasn't been said by PPs.

Time to grow up.

If you want to terminate, you need to act quickly.

Coconutter24 · 28/01/2024 17:32

megxa · 28/01/2024 16:35

I don’t even know where to start and I think iv came here for some honest brutal advice
(not too brutal I’m fragile 😂)

I am easily and always have been a very hard hearted person.. until THIS ONE

it starts off with the rockiest of starts, my now ex we got talking things were great, he had a child I have children also.
our relationship was blossoming well atleast I thought.. then he started acting shady, disappearing for a week at a time, complaining he was down and depressed.
long story short me and his baby mum are familiar with eschother, one day we got talking and his baby mum told me he had a girlfriend he had recently moved in with and that she knew nothing about me and that she was shocked to hear.
at the time I knew nothing about this other women I fell pregnant in which he baisicly told me I had no choice to have an abortion.. of course reasons & plus the fact she was ALSO pregnant and she had gotten an abortion too (I know disgusting male)
this caused a break for us obviously. He then came crawling back he left her for me bla bla and stupidly at the time I took him back, he cut ties with the other woman and we moved foreward of course I forgiven him but never fully and I would never forget what he did and what I had been through. But all in all we were great very happy all of our own kids were happy together.
all of a sudden things changed but not a big change just small, we tried for a child together which was jointly agreed on ( stupid now I’m aware) I fell pregnant, he then decided he doesn’t want that and pressured and pressured for another abortion.
I stood my ground and eventually he told me he was coming around to the idea but over the last couple of weeks things just got progressively worse, him acting very shady, a spare phone that was in the house has gone missing with no explination, all of a sudden wanting to spend more time away from home and out with friends or working, of course I had suspicions so I approached him and what I got in return was just abuse, shouting that it was all my fault I don’t trust him I’m ruining us beacuse I don’t trust him, this baby in my tummy ruined us, he’s mentally I’ll and he can’t deal with me, just a whirlwind out of nowhere.
he left yesterday and I’d be lying if I said I’m not struggling but why on earth can’t I just see what this man has put me through and say oh no this is enough.

someone how do I move on?
I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant and he just upped and left said it’s not for him he’s falling out of love with me but then In other sentences telling me he loves me he would love it to work but he can’t see a way foreward.
i feel dizzy!

what on earth is going to help me

Read that back and pretend you’re looking at someone else’s situation…. What would you say to them? Then just think about that answer

MythosK · 28/01/2024 17:40

Sounds like there's a battle of wills/power dynamic and that you want to win at any cost (to yourself- mainly)

That's not meant to sound harsh, I only say this because you say you're normally hard hearted. Maybe you felt you had the control in other relationships, but not this one, which is why you've taken drastic measures to try and keep him.

I don't think it's him you want, more the need to be in control - not a criticism, think a lot of us have been there.

megxa · 28/01/2024 18:17

Yeah I needed to hear every single one of them comments
it’s right I need to grow up let go and focus on my children

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