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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

XH and I booked holiday before we split - he now wants me to refund him AIBU?

3 replies

Pinksparkles84 · 28/01/2024 09:20

So XH and I booked a holiday a few months before we separated. He was organising it for my 40th to go away over my birthday (in April). XH initially said he’d pay for some of the flights etc and we’d both pay for the hotel etc. He’d booked flights there and back (flying out on EasyJet and back with BA). The flight back had some extras added to it to as a birthday present and he sent me a picture of the booking showing it cost €139 (so about £118). He added luggage etc to this booking.

fast forward a few months and we separated (I didn’t have any trust in him - see some of my previous posts). So we called it a day. Sleeping in separate rooms until I can move out. I’m now going on holiday with some friends and as he booked the flights, he said that he would change the names on the tickets. He text the other day to say that the flights out with easyJet have been changed and there was an admin charge of £55. I said that me and my friend are happy to pay for those flights plus the admin charge. This comes to a total of about £250 I guess.

He said that he called BA and asked for the ticket to be changed to name of friend, we had agreed that I’d have this ticket and pay him for the original ticket plus admin charge. They said that they couldn’t change the name on the ticket and he said he got the hump and so he cancelled the whole thing (BA refunded him €22 - £18ish or so pounds). I will have to buy completely new tickets for my friend and I, as the booking for the BA flight has now been cancelled. New tickets would cost approximately £65 each on the same flight. He now wants me to refund him for this cancelled flight and says I owe him £350 in total (£250 for the easyJet flight and £100 for the BA flight, even though he said he would swallow the cost of his ticket as my 40th birthday present). In total I’d then need to pay him £250 for easyJet flight (flight out) + £100 cancelled BA flight + £130 new flights myself.

we live in the same house and he usually gives me £1,050 for rent and bills a month; but initially said he would pay £650 for rent (deducting what I owe ‘him’). I said that I couldn’t afford to pay all of it outright in one go and asked that it be settled in instalments so I am not left short. Thankfully he agreed to pay his usual amount of £1,050. He said he needs to start saving money for when I move out (I also have to as I’m moving to my own property in 6 weeks time). He’s had money issues in the past and has recently finished an IVA.

AIBU to suggest to him that I shouldn’t pay for the cancelled ticket. I would have been happy to buy it off him and pay the extra admin charge but I’m now having to reimburse him for the refunded ticket because BA wouldn’t refund the whole amount. As I am the one moving out; I need to buy myself a bed/sofa/etc as he is keeping most of the things we currently have.

i have spoken to friends and they think he has done it out of spite. I am scared to suggest not paying the refund as I am scared of him as he gets angry and makes me feel bad that I’m leaving him out of pocket.

OP posts:
SevenSprings · 28/01/2024 09:26

This al sounds too complicated.

Personally, I'd suggest you start from the point that the tickets are a write off and both bear the weight of the wasted tickets equally - as it was a holiday you both agreed to.

So you are liable for half the cost of the tickets/anything he has paid already.

If you then want to pay more on top to turn them into usable tickets (admin fee) you pay that whole cost.

caringcarer · 28/01/2024 11:26

I'd tell him no why would you buy your own tickets and still pay him for the ones he cancelled? He's a grown adult and if he chooses to cancel the ticket he loses out. Don't let him bully you.

WhatShallIDoToday · 28/01/2024 11:46

That's a bit complicated to follow akd with lots of detail that isn't really necessary.

Am I right in understanding that you had agreed to cover the cost of the tickets and the admin charge of changing the names. But instead of doing that, he cancelled the tickets outright and didn't receive the full amount back meaning that there is a charge on those tickets on top of the cost of replacing them?

If that's the case, he's the winner of play silly games, win stupid prizes.

The other costs you'll incur by moving
out are irrelevant. He could have come out of this with the full cost of the tickets plus additional admin and, because he decided to be silly, he now has an admin charge to cover himself.

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