Should I have more patience? (PLEASE help)

[MrsSnape]

I posted a few days ago about a man in my karate class always punching me in the chest.

I know its a boring, irrelavant topic for most of you but PLEASE bare with me, its a question on men rather than karate.

I'm having major problems with this guy and wondered if it was just me that needs more patience?

Basically he keeps doing EVERYTHING wrong and its really starting to piss me off. The club is semi to light contact only but whenever we do partner work he hits me really hard. Now surely he must realise he's doing it and he KNOWS the club is light contact only...

He's just so unco-ordinated. For instance one of our partner work things requires a simple block, I've shown him it over and over again, even moved his arm in slow motion to demonstrate it yet he STILL does it wrong and it really bloody hurts when he does it "his way" too. He was even demonstrated to by the sensei and he STILL did it wrong after that. I have bruises all up my arm because of it.

Last week we were doing a move which required a simple kick to the back of the leg (designed to knock opponant off balance) and it was demonstrated over and over again...yet he still went to kick me in the shin instead of the back of the leg and it was agony, ending in me hobbling around the room.

Another one was a hand bend thing, designed to bend your opponant backwards, he bent my arm forwards...I was bent over in agony telling him he was doing it wrong and it still didn't seem to sink in with him, surely he must have noticed that I was bent the wrong way??

The final straw came last night, again during partner work...idea was that I attack him LIGHTLY and he defends LIGHTLY, anyway he ended up kicking me full force in the stomach, I was again in agony.

He always apologises afterwards and makes out that he's terribly sorry but I'm really losing patience. I'm intolerant of slow learners at the best of times (I'd never make a teacher!) but when you're being hurt over and over again it starts to grate on you after a bit.

Its not just the contact thing, he does EVERYTHING wrong, for instance we'll be told to attack with the front hand...he'll attack with the back hand making the arranged defence thing completely useless but I'll tell him over and over again that he needs to use the back hand and he'll nod as if he understands then comes at me again with the front hand.

I know most of you wont know or care about karate itself so this is more directed at the issue of men really...is he doing it on purpose? can anyone REALLY be this un-coordinated? he's nearly 50, is it his age?

He's also started with subtle personal insults, like last night he asked me if I was "perspirating" I wasnt...but even if I was its not something you ask someone is it?

He's also called me a "big woman" before (although said he didn't mean fat when I acted offended) and he's made digs at my kids before saying the class would be better if it didn't have wild kids running around (and he pointed to my son).

So, is he trying to piss me off or what? other times he acts as if I'm his best mate and is full of compliments but...maybe I'm paranoid but I'm seeing signs of the passive aggressive in there somewhere. Not something I want to deal with at a hobby I used to love up until now.

What an annoying man!
Is he clumsily flirting with you? Might be way off track, but it occured to me when reading your post.

he sounds like an intolerant twunt, tbh. And it wouldn't surprise me if he is doing it on purpose.

If he kicks you really hard "accidentally" and he can't seem to stop himself, then you'll have no choice but to leave and take your wild kids with you.

Have you talked to the person who runs the class?

If he is doing it on purpose, then it is bullying and you should absolutely NOT have to put up with it.

BS - I wondered that at first, then decided that unless he's 9, then it's gone too far to be clumsy flirting.

Would it be possible not to partner him in class?

I think you need to give him a really good battering Mrs Snape, then smile sweetly and say, oops, sorry

Suggest that you speak to the teacher, as it is afterall him being paid to teach the class how to do it correctly and make sure that nobody ends up hurt.

Thanks for the replies.

Thing is the class itself is great, everyone is really friendly, instructor is great and my kids love it, the class especially means alot to my eldest son who is bullied and friendless at school but finds himself "accepted and popular" in the karate class so changing clubs really isn't an option.

He's just so bloody annoying, I honestly fail to see how someone can get things wrong over and over and over again despite being shown constantly what to do. And why the insults? that is something I won't put up with for long but I really don't want to cause bad feeling in the class as it means alot to me and my kids

How about giving this whole thread to the instructor?

I think this guy is deliberately trying to hurt you. It doesn't seem passive-agressive, it seems active agressive! Here he has a chance to hit a woman, it is passing as 'okay', and he is enjoying every minute of it.

Cant you just accidently give him a sharp kick in the nuts a few times? Apologising afterwards of course, as a big woman you dont always know you own strength surely?

This sounds truly awful. Surely you shouldn't have to put up with this? Can you talk to the instructor, perhaps even jointly with the man too?

Or what about having a 'sprained ankle' or something similar for a couple of weeks, still go to the class but be unable to fight, and hope that he develops another partner?

Would it be more normal to fight with different people each week?

Re the insults, I'd say that does sound like some males more than females [trying not to be sexist emoticon]. Some men do get very uncomfortable at displaying any form of weakness to women, particularly getting something the woman can do wrong, and in some cases they do seem to externalise the discomfort by insulting. Very, very unpleasant. lack of response may be best there.

Tbh I hope he gives up - he sounds phenomenally untalented at it.

Why he is doing it isn't really the issue. He is doing it and it needs to stop. Don't consider his feelings overly much as he has no consideration for you. I really WOULD show this thread to your instructor. They can then find you another partner, and you don't have to confront him.

Yes, talk to the class teacher. It sounds to me like this arsehole has real issues around women being able to defend themselves, and thinks that by constantly hurting you he is 'proving' that women aren't really up to doing karate. He wants you to give up the classes. He'd love it if you burst into tears and ran out of the room. If you're a nicer person than me you could say to the teacher (if teacher is a decent sort) that maybe Arsehole would get on better being partnered with someone else as he doesn;t seem to be making much progress with you...

Great post Madamez.