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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just a bump in the road?

3 replies

Onthewayup8 · 27/01/2024 20:36

Changed name as posted before but conscious of saying too much detail.

I've been going to therapy to deal with SA when I was a teenager. I won't go into detail on that but it was a family member and I think it's damaged me more than I realised and it recently brought up issues with their ex wife. Anyway, my mental health has been shocking for the past year since things kicked off with this persons ex wife and then had some stressful life changes around the same time. I have been fixated on ending my relationship for the past year and feeling that my partner is making me miserable etc. I finally left a month ago, thinking it was actually done and the minute I left I regretted it and came back a few days later. My partner hasn't always been perfect but he has put up with a lot of shit the past year and is trying to help me deal with stuff. We went to a therapy session together recently and it really made me think of the way I deal with things and putting up a barrier as I'm scared of being hurt or trapped. I decided when I came back after leaving that I wanted to give it a real go and try to be more positive about the relationship and things are going really well, I feel like I want to be in this relationship again.

I guess this is a long winded way of asking but is it possible that my mental health issues and past abuse have made me view the relationship so negatively? And do you think it's possible to move on from someone breaking up with you and being able to trust them again?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 27/01/2024 21:00

Your past will be affecting your present, yes. Does that mean you have to dismiss your feelings, though? At the very least, you are swinging dramatically from one extreme to the other. Why do you have to make a decision right now about this relationship?

Onthewayup8 · 27/01/2024 21:06

@Watchkeys that is true, I do feel like I am very much swinging towards things either over or not. And I probably don't have to make any decision right now, just worried about wasting my life as feeling a lot of pressure with friends all getting married / having kids. Think I am feeling a bit unsure of myself and any external opinion or event just changes how I feel about the relationship quite easily I guess. Plus I felt a lot of anxiety and thought that ending the relationship would help which it didnt.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 27/01/2024 21:10

Do what you want, OP. What do you want you life to look like?

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