AIBU to find this inappropriate?

[alexis97]

Hey everyone, from my previous posts many may know I had a pretty rough patch with my husband, there was a lot of working on things to be done, progress has definitely been made however I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable to be uncomfortable regarding this situation...

So we are remortgaging our home, we were going to sell it due to a change of location however we didn't and took it off the market because it's our first family home and we'd miss it. Our mortgage broker unfortunately split with her partner and enquired about our home however we politely declined the sale as we took it off the market.

She managed to find us the perfect remortgage for us, my husband joked on with her that "if he wasn't married he'd take her on a date" to which she responded the 3 of us would go on a date together and have a "Netflix and chill night" my husband was caught off guard by this, he has a flirty nature but when it happens back to him he may as well run a mile as he doesn't know how to react.

As I was scrolling through my suggested friends on Facebook the broker came up on my Facebook with a mutual friend, which was my husband... bare it in mind we have never met this woman before she is just providing us a service, when I asked him he said "she's going to be our broker for the next few years so I saw no harm in being polite. She has stopped communicating with me regarding the remortgage and will only contact my husband through text or phone call.

I told my husband he has to remove her from Facebook, we don't know her.. we are her clients and she is providing us a service, its not something I would ever think about doing because they are doing a job for us that they have been paid for. My husband bare face lied to me this morning about removing her from Facebook, she came back up on my suggested friends with him still as a mutual friend. Am I being unreasonable to tear him a new one after work? When things are going as well as they are between us right now I think he's being silly.

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Totally weird. If you are her client, she should be happy to deal with you also

What were the previous issues? Has he had an affair?

You don't need to tear him a new one. Just tell him that he's acting like he's shagging the mortgage broker. He either deletes her off Facebook or the marriage is over.

personally if they are helping then its always better to keep them on side as in theory they may go above the normal service and do better than what they would do normally for £ amout etc

He hasn't but there's been many times he's tried hiding things from me, suspicious behaviour since he started his new job, hiding his phone etc. caught him messaging his ex girlfriend before we got married.

We have worked on things and improvements were made but I've told him he needs to start respecting me, if he doesn't I'm out. I'm emotionally detaching which is sad. We have a beautiful daughter and a son due in 6 days. I feel like he still needs to work on his priorities

Your husband is still the same disrespectful, dishonest, and untrustworthy man he has always been, who you knew him to be even before you got married. It is very, very unreasonable of you to expect him to change. You can either take it or leave, but what you see now is what you get.

Id be suspicious tbh but speaking as a bitter and twisted ex-wife that may be just me!😂
Why don't you add her on fb as your friend? - her refusal/acceptance will give you some indication of her and his intentions

I would be querying with her why she will not deal with you as a client and just DH?

Are you sure she isn't helping him source a mortgage for him to leave you rather than the remortgage now.

Id be petty and review her 'service' as unprofessional. Move out and get a new place with a different broker.

"if he wasn't married he'd take her on a date"
I think you might be so conditioned to your husband's behaviour that you think this is an OK thing for him to say? Its just odd, creepy and clearly fishing for a reaction from her.
Please consider you are worth more than this and deserve someone who treasures you.

He sounds like a dick. Why bother?

OP - given you are about to give birth - it js very likely your hormones are playing havoc with your head.
Generally - it’s up to your H to decide who he friends on FB. And if he does friend loosely connected people in his life - it’s his business.
There is nothing disrespectful in his explanation, or friending the agent.

He joked with her first. It was all in public. She returned same joke back.
You seem to be over sensitive to her now.

Good luck with the baby. Hope instead of checking his fb Friends you’ll redirect your attention to things that actually matter.

How are you more upset at them being Facebook friends than that disgusting comment he made about taking her on a date? Was this in private, like by text, or in front of you? Both are really inappropriate but for different reasons. Ugh, I would be so angry at him talking to someone in a professional set up like that.

Also just start interacting with her, the service your are getting from her applies to you both, so you have every right to be part of every conversation.

And your husband is horrible.

Surely the date comment is the problem, rather than adding her on Facebook?

She might end up in your house yet.
They are both being wholly inappropriate and she is very unprofessional. You need to go elsewhere for your mortgage and your DH should shut this right down.
He's a shit to be letting his ego be stroked like this when you're pregnant and vulnerable.

Why should I sit back and allow him to have a woman on his Facebook that lives in the same city as we do, same age who has just split with her partner and who he has never met before, who is a professional we are paying to provide a service, when we post our children on our social media? Would you have strangers on your socials with your children? She shouldn't be on there full stop. I have plenty of things to focus on that matter and give my kids my all. Im not going to sit and be disrespected in my marriage and my home. I've been pregnant before and I've experienced the hormones. This is not hormones, it's reacting to being disrespected.

The joke also was not done in public, he told me about it because he thought it was funny. It was between them both on a phone call. And to me, it's not funny. He wouldn't like it.

The comment about the date was not a ‘joke’ it was flirting in plain site. He was fishing.

He’s now added her on fb and is lying to you about removing her.

And she won’t deal with you.

It’s affair territory. You know he’s a validation seeking, ego kibble loving, boundary crossing creep. Looks like he’s not made any effort to be a safer partner for you, even while you’re pregnant!

Im so sorry you deserve better than this.

He's trying to shag someone else and you think things are going well between you right now.

There is no point telling him to remove her from Facebook, he will go after her by other means.

Sounds like he is preparing for his dry spell when you are tied up with the newborn..
He is disgusting on his behaviour..

He sounds like a slag.

Who asked who first to be facebook friends first ?

She should be dealing with you, she must know with that comment from old slaggy drawers that he's fishing for ego blasts.

It's really not nice considering you're about to give birth, it's disrespectful.

And it's nothing to do with your hormones, you're husband's a creep.

If my husband flirted with someone in front of me I would be showing him the door. He did this once when we first got together and got his arse handed to him, he has never done it again. Your husband is disrespectful and so is she for the FB request! Maybe she thought he wanted a threesome, judging by her response re all three of you going on a date. I wouldn't be impressed at all