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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I too sensitive

34 replies

Friyayfun · 26/01/2024 19:49

Been with my partner for two years and see each other once in the week and I spent Fridays and sometimes Saturdays at his house. He isn’t great at discussing his feelings or showing affection. He said he still can’t tell me he loves me, I thought I’d give it time and didn’t make an issue of it. I’ve met his family and friends and when he mentioned his best friend I joked “am I not your best friend (purely in jest)” and he replied quite sharply “you have a long way to go for that”. It made me feel small and unimportant.

He will reply to any arrangements we make with a 👍🏻 which is annoying at times but the more I said it bugs me the more he does it.

On my birthday he didn’t get me a card and just sent me a quick text like you would a friend.

On FB I have posted pictures at events over the last couple of years with my family and he ignores everything I post (which is not much) but when others (including mutual friends ) post stuff he doesnt like their posts he ❤️ them. I know that sounds pathetic on my part but I feel like I’m not important enough to him.

He talks about his ex partner from years ago that is his grown up child’s mum. It seems to be any event or destination we go to he would say “oh I have been there with x”.

its started to drag me down and feel like I'm being kept as an option until he finds someone better.

OP posts:
Windymcwindyson · 26/01/2024 19:53

2 years is long to be a booty call only op.

Rocknrollstar · 26/01/2024 19:53

I’m sorry but i don’t think this person sees himself as your partner. It’s time to move on and find someone else who really wants to be with you and you alone.

Product3257 · 26/01/2024 20:02

@Windymcwindyson has it bang on, you're a booty call, don't fool yourself that this man is your boyfriend and the "relationship" is going anywhere.

Zanatdy · 26/01/2024 20:05

Yeah he doesn’t view himself as your partner. This is all very hurtful and I’d be walking away

Friyayfun · 26/01/2024 20:07

It’s pretty much what I know deep down.

He introduced me to his family and I’ve been to his family events and he introduces me as his Gf but I guess it’s just words. Thank you

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/01/2024 20:10

I wouldn't be putting up with this either.

Get rid.

MidnightSerenader · 26/01/2024 20:11

You deserve much, much better.

Much better is out there.

Don’t waste your time on this. It will grind you down and do untold damage to your self-esteem and wellbeing.

The exact opposite of what a loving relationship with a good man is supposed to do.

Flowers
HopeFloatsAbove · 26/01/2024 20:17

seems you are investing emotionally in a man that is happy to treat you with contempt. That thumbs up would have me just going into shut down mode.

Shut down the emotion, booty call, and this so called relationship.

You seem like a really great person who has healthy expectations from someone you have been dating for 2 years, and to think you are sensitive? nope you should be disappointed though, this isn't it for you surely?

What he is doing is basically throwing you breadcrumbs and he is not a nice person.

Throw this one aside and love yourself more

Lurkingandlearning · 26/01/2024 20:19

Meeting the family can sometimes just be a way of appeasing a family that keep saying they wished their son/sibling would meet someone nice and settle down (again if they’d been in a long relationship sometime ago).

Don’t put too much significance on that. It’s how they treat you day by day that matters. You don’t enjoy that much so the relationship isn’t working for you.

2Old2Tango · 26/01/2024 20:21

That best friend comment was really cutting and I too would have been hurt by it.

As others have said, he's giving you breadcrumbs and you deserve so much more from a relationship. Please don't waste any more time with this person. Life really is too short.

samestyle · 26/01/2024 22:13

He can't tell you he loves you after 2 years, then you both aren't getting much from this relationship, perhaps he's fine plodding along for company once or twice a week, but that's your lot, doesn't sound very exciting and you're not made to feel a special part of his life, sounds likes you've had enough of this now, you don't need to stay in this situation.

Mischance · 26/01/2024 22:16

“you have a long way to go for that” - why are you with this man? What makes you think you deserve these sort of cruelties? Get hold of your self-respect and bin him.

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 26/01/2024 22:18

Get. Rid. And I mean just walk, I've been in similar many years ago. I text it was over and never replied when He wanted to talk and sort it out. Best decision ever as I have now found the absolute love of my life who treats me incredibly well and loved.

You don't deserve to be treated like this. You sound so so lovely and if he can't say he loves you after 2years, he clearly doesn't. Don't settle your self for this sh*t.

Fine yourself someone who deserves and will appreciate your awesomeness. Life is just too short.

Watchkeys · 26/01/2024 22:29

its started to drag me down and feel like I'm being kept as an option until he finds someone better

If you get told you are to sensitive, will you just dismiss these feelings you're having?

Watchkeys · 26/01/2024 22:30

*too

Copperoliverbear · 26/01/2024 22:34

I'd dump him. X

B1rd · 26/01/2024 23:32

Im sure he's a lovely man. But the lack of expression of feelings isn't for you. You need more. This man isn't for you.
It's been 2 years and he isn't going to change.

GuruHareKrishna · 27/01/2024 06:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

daisychain01 · 27/01/2024 06:31

Dump and run OP. No explanation needed. What an arrogant arse, urgh.

Then when he next texts you (when the penny finally drops "oh, I haven't heard from @Friyayfun for a while... ")

Him: Hi @Friyayfun I haven't heard from you what's happening, was it something I said?

You: 👍 👍 👍

Then block him on everything. You get the final word.

Friyayfun · 27/01/2024 10:20

Thank you for the replies. It just seems anything I say is wrong. I mentioned my friend has given me some ideas for walking weekends we discussed and the reply was “I did mention that and it was something I was considering looking at and also if I do I was going to do the research myself”.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 27/01/2024 10:48

'Let him walk'!

SamW98 · 27/01/2024 11:08

You’re not too sensitive, he’s wasting your time. This man isn’t a partner, he’s a FWB at best

Bin him off. Better off single than with a man who doesn’t respect you.

LightSpeeds · 27/01/2024 11:10

Get rid asap.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 27/01/2024 11:12

He sounds awful like he’s slowly eroding all your confidence and self esteem.

Him deliberately giving mutual friends hearts and ignoring or only liking your posts plus to continue replying with the thumbs up shows just how rude and arrogant this man is.

Honestly you will feel sooo much better about yourself without him in your life, it sounds like he’s an energy vampire.

usernother · 27/01/2024 11:13

You're not too sensitive. You're a stopgap until he meets someone he thinks is better. You can do better. Dump him.