He Doesn’t Clean Properly!

[Lost20211]

Just here for a bit of a rant, but would welcome some constructive advice. My husband doesn’t clean properly and I’m starting to really resent it. I know I am fussy about housework, and don’t want to nag and make him feel like crap, but it’s driving me f***g nuts. Chores were getting so unbalanced (most fell on me), and he would ask “what do you want me to do to help?” - usually when I was nearly done. He has eyes in his head and is an intelligent man, so that question used to grate on me. He’s also said before “It’s clean, but likely not to your standard”. I finally just drew up a chore list, and based it on things I know he doesn’t hate doing. But, I feel like he often half-asses what he is responsible for. Today, he washed to the floors. But didn’t think to brush them first so just the floors still have dirt on them. Then he cleaned the bathroom. The basin is still dirty, as is the mirror. Didn’t touch the bath (which is dirty). I used to wait for him to leave sometimes, then clean behind him. We’ve talked about it before, but I feel like he’s still half-assing things. I was raised by strict parents, and if something wasn’t done right, I was sent back in to do it again. He was raised by traditional parents - Mummy did everything, and he wasn’t expected to do housework. I don’t want to have to check he’s cleaning right - I’m starting to feel like his damn mother rather than his wife!!!

I am of the believe that regardless of upbringing, that you need to learn life skills and this is one of them.

I also believe that if it does not interest you, then it will be done to lower standard pretty much.

Telling him is never going to work. Honestly.

The solution is to get someone to do the cleaning 1x per week?

A house and what comes with it is always a joint responsibility, as you know.

But most men still say that the cleaning is the work that will fall on the woman and so is the upbringing of the children too. Infuriating indeed but if this was not something he was doing pre marriage or during the boyfriend stage, this will not magically appear after the ring is on the finger.

I once said something along the lines of “Yes, we have different standards. Why do you think it’s best to settle for the lower one rather than rise to the higher one.”

It gave pause for thought but didn’t make a lasting difference because he was a slob, a very smartly dressed slob but would’ve probably lived in a sty than use a broom.