Have you created a life with a bi/gay partner while stright?

[AnonAnonAnon3]

Have any women here married and/or had children with a partner they knew to be bi/gay (while you yourself are straight)? How has that worked out?

I met someone at work and developed a relationship with him. All of my colleagues were surprised as they thought he was gay. He had a camp way about him and was always making references to attractive men in the office or being 'gay'. In the end I could not cope with it all and felt very insecure that he may have been having relationships with men. I did try to talk to him about it but he would always avoid the conversation. Just too complicated

Are you writing an article?

@Comedycook no, im interested for personal reasons that you might bee able to gather...

If whoever you are interested is bi and had had relationships with men and women before - it’s one sort of situation.
Of, however, they are in denial for personal or cultural reasons - there is not much hope.

There are a million reasons why people would be or stay together when on of them is actually attracted to the other sex. There are also a million reasons why these couples could break up eventually.

Each relationship is different. What makes of breaks many relationships isn't what kind of challenges they face together, it's whether there is open, honest and respectful communication.
Is the other partner open about the attraction? Can they talk openly about how they feel about missing out on the opportunity to date someone in their preference? Do they feel like they are missing out? What are their reasons not to date someone of their preference? Might that ever change?
Can you talk about your insecurities or feelings of inadequacy? Are you jealous when they are around people of their prefered gender?

Being bi is also very different than being gay. Just because someone is bi, doesn't mean they will leave you for someone of the other sex, just like a straight person won't leave you for someone of your sex per se. It just means they have a larger pond to fish from. Being gay and still choosing to be in a heterosexual relationship is more challenging, but I do know couples who have made (or are making it) work. For example when the partner only discovered their sexual preference after being married, or in case of a gender reassignment with one of the partners. It's not easy though.

I'm bi and my partner is straight. It's worked out fine for us.

I'm bi and married to a straight man. It works just the same for us as it would for any male-female couple. We're married and committed and DH has always known. The only difference is that if, god forbid, he died or we divorced I'd be open to dating both men and women.

I have bi male friends who are committed and faithful, although in their case to another man. But the same principle applies. Committed is committed.

There’s a difference between bi and gay orientations. Bi people can want monogamy and genuine relationships with the opposite or same-sex (though it’s not necessarily 50-50 attraction). Gay people would want these relationships with the same-sex only.
So it would be possible for a straight and a bi person, or a bi and a gay person to have a successful relationship. A gay and a straight person, not so much. They could love each other platonically and be successful co-parents, but would need to have their romantic and sexual needs met elsewhere (or be celibate). Lots of historical examples, much rarer today.

I'm bi but I'm more straight leaning (though I tend to go for effeminate men). My partner is also bi, I don't think he has a preference for either gender. We are monogamous and have a very happy relationship together, great sex life and I never worry about him cheating on me. I know some people worry they aren't enough for a bi partner to be happy and worry that anybody who is bi would crave the variety, but that simply isn't true for 99 percent of us! Most bi individuals who don't feel satisfied with just one partner stay single and keep their options open or enter non monogamous relationships such as open relationships or polyamory.

If your partner is actually gay then it won't be workable, because they just won't find you sexually attractive, assuming you are opposite genders. If they are bi then it's more just something to discuss. Realistically if they are bi then it should have no effect on you or your relationship going forward. If they do anything that makes you uncomfortable then that's a problem with them and their respect for you and the relationship and should not be confused with thinking their sexuality is the problem.

I am bi and was with a woman for 16 years who is lesbian. At the back of her mind she was always worried I would leave her one day for a man. I was entirely faithful and in the end I left her for different reasons (her drinking). But it was annoying to me, her fear that me being bi equated more likely to have an affair. A waste of worry and a bit insulting. Whilst I definitely fancy men too, and am now with a man 3 years after I left her, when I love someone I am entirely committed to that person.

I'm bi and married to a straight man.
He has no fears I'll leave him for a woman and no fears I'll cheat etc.

However society has decided I'm straight. I'm not queer enough for queer spaces, I can't be part of the lgbtqia+ community.

My DH is bi, we've been together 10 years, have kids. Him being bi doesn't affect the relationship in any way. Other than that we can discuss which guys on the TV are most attractive 😂

There would be a huge difference between being with a bisexual man who is attracted to women and being with a gay man who isn’t — I don’t think they’re comparable at all (unless you’re implying bisexual men don’t exist and are all actually gay…?). I would think a life with a gay man would be very hard indeed, but life with a monogamous bisexual man would be no different than life with a monogamous straight man. One isn’t more likely to cheat than the other.

This^^ I'm in the same boat and it's not an issue

There’s a massive difference between having a bisexual partner and a gay partner.

I think some people are concerned that for a man, coming out as bisexual is just a stop on the way to Gaytown. And I have known a few men for whom that was the case. But generally, if you really are exclusively interested in men, you're not going to wait more than a year or two before just going all the way to that final destination. Once the "I like men" genie is out of the bottle, why would you hang around? The rest is just biphobia.

Just my personal experience but..

The only people I've ever met who weren't satisfied with monogamy were straight men.

Having a partner who's gay and having a partner who's gay are completely different thing. In the former case they can't be attracted to you and in the latter they can.

My husband's first wife is now married to a woman. When she married him they were both young and she didn't really recognise the fact that she might be gay/bi. She was my husband's first sexual partner.
Hubby didn't suspect she might be gay/bi either; they didn't have much sex at all but he just assumed that was what a "normal" marriage looked like.
They drifted apart and she met someone else who happened to be a woman. Hubby was happy she was happy. She has since said she feels she's bi.
They remain friends; I've met her and she really is a lovely woman. She is happily remarried now.
Hubby and I have since gone on to have a baby together (he never thought he would be a daddy) and our sex life is a complete revelation to him (although we're 43 and 48 now so a bit knackered!!)