Setting up after a divorce

[glazedkremedonuts]

I wonder if anyone can help me with this. Posted this under money, but wondered if anyone who had gone through a divorce could give me their opinion?

Im getting a divorce after domestic violence, we have two dc, 6 and 2.

Right now we have a house worth 750 k (price of similar in our street), and savings of about 250 k.

I reckon to buy a new house outof London, but within commuting distance, I need about 300k. Another 30k to set it up. Is this ott?

Im going to try and settle this without spending time and money arguing over a settlement. Before we had dc I worked and put into the deposit for the house and the mortgage. He has paid the mortgage alone for 5 years.

Do people think 330k is a reasonable out of court offer to make on the financial settlement front.

Ive taken the 15k I had in my old savings account from pre marriage and am using that to live on at the moment.

He earns a very good salary. I would expect to have to go back to work, but he pay half the school fees for the school she is at, and half for ds when he is of school age, and about 500 pounds per month maintenance until they are out of education. And to foot the bills for the family until I find a job. Right now job hunting is not an option yet, Ive no permaent place to live which I consider safe, and my knee is out of action due to him stamping on it. But I will get back to work as soon as I possibly can. I reckon for someone who has been out of the market for 5 ish years, it is not going to be easy to find a job on the same level as before (was an underwriter). I clearly need to pay the bills though and perhaps would need to do some retraining/retake profession exams/ go back into the same kind of business, but to something like data entry . I have a good degree, great a levels, and some prof qualifications.

The other option is to wait, use up a lot of savings fighting each other in the courts, and everyone getting upset. To be honest I dont think he would go for this.

Should I expect to have to rent forever, I dont want to live in the family house, as I cant face the neighbours. Am I likely to get anything near this kind of money?

Could mediation be an option? I think they're meant to offer this now, it's faster and easier.

To me, it doesn't sound like you're asking for much at all - I'd think you'd be due half the value of the house, and of savings, plus more.

(Would you rather stay where you are? Is it closer to the kids' schools?)

Is your DH contesting the divorce? Is he a reasonable person who will want to make sure you and the kids will be comfortable? (He doesn't sound like one, unfortunately.)

I am hoping he will go for mediation, that is why Im trying to get it straight in my head what to ask for.

No he is not going to be reasonable over this. I am going to move dd from her school and put her somewhere else, and hope the court agree not to disclose this, due to his violence (he hurt ds).

I dont want to be grabbing, just enough to set us up and move on with our lives. I dont see why dc shoudl have to suffer. I dont expect him to live in penury, just to have enough to buy somewhere new.

I really couldnt bear to stay where I was. I have to go back to sort some stuff out, and Im dreading facing the neighbours. I want a new life, out of London, with my dc and him not knowing where I am, and being unllikely to bump into me by accident.

Ah, well, then, moving makes perfect sense.

I think for mediation you have to have a lawyer or other advisor, who will take your side, and explain to you what you have a right to - so that you don't get ripped off.

Ok, I've googled, and this page says you should see a solicitor before and after mediation, to know what to ask for.

To me, it sounds like you're asking for less than you'd be due, tbh.

This calculator will tell you how much the CSA would make him pay, weekly.

If you suspect he may be unreliable or difficult, I'd worry that he might end up not paying the maintenance you're due - certainly MN is full of single parents complaining about this sort of thing. So it might be extra worthwhile to try to get a decent cut of the house value etc etc.

Thanks, I do have a solicitor, but things are moving so slowly and I just feel that going through her, the whole thing will end up in court.

Im going to to go to cab today and see what they say.

I really would be happy with a lowish settlement if it would be done with quickly.

Why does the calc only go up to 2000 a week? At slightly less than earnings, it says 400 a week. He may well be bad at paying after all this so it is a good point about getting a better slice of the house.

I thought it was illegal not to pay, dont they just take it out of his pay check!

GKD, as a divorce lawyer myself, I'm obviously biased, but I'd urge you to listen to what your solicitor is advising.

So many times, people say they want a quick and easy divorce and ignore their solicitors, only to end up with a crap settlement which they regret for the rest of their lives.

Your solicitor is there to help you through the complex negotiations and disclosure necessary to get you the best deal for yourself and your children. If you're not happy with your current solicitor, it's v. easy to swap.