Is it worth getting in touch with my first love?

[WheelWorks]

Long story short, I was with my first love for 3 years before we broke nearly 10 years ago. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out. I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her. At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago.

Today I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her.

I know that she is single. As for me I have also been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and I am due to start a new chapter in my career next week.

But I do wonder now if I should get in touch with her, I know its been a long time and we have both changed a lot. I also feel sorry for her after everything she's been through, is it worth me getting in touch with her even after all this time?

There is no harm in getting in touch with her but with no expectation. I would not mention that you know she has been through a tough time. Just drop her a line, light and breezy to see how she is and see if she responds.

No, just let her go. She’s obviously been through a lot. Were you the first woman she had been with?

I don't think there's any harm getting in touch if your relationship didn't end on bad terms. Just be prepared for you to have absolutely nothing in common and no spark! You do a lot of changing in your twenties, and we often look at our first loves through very rose tinted glasses. You may really hit it off, or you may not. No way to know unless you try.

Honestly, I think you just need to move on rather than hoping her crap experiences might give you another chance. If it fizzled out when you were young and carefree it's unlikely to be amazing now even if she settles based on her poor previous relationships.

I think some people find it hard to move on until they 'replace' that last person. I have a male friend like this who goes on about a girlfriend from almost a decade ago every time he gets drunk and emotional. I'm still friends with her on FB (she deleted him) and she has clearly moved on with her life.

I don't mean this nastily. I just think that repeating mistakes and expecting different results usually leads to disappointment.

Go for it but tread carefully

I'd say get in touch. Have no expectations. See what happens.

I think it's better to regret what you have done rather than what you haven't.

Yeh why wouldn't you? No expectations though

It says she got in a relationship with "another guy" so thinking op is male?

Nothing tried nothing gained, similar story in some aspects ex married, her partner different affairs, been almost 20 years from first contact, that said when the marriage gets to divorce or if it does i would prefer my ex to open communications then we are on the same page

Go for it! Why not. As others have said be prepared that it might not go anywhere. People change. But it's worth exploring for sure.

I'd go for it why not?

If you're both single, why not? You might at least end up with a good friend.

I never lost touch with mine, but it's a good thing we didn't end up together - fond of him as I am, I am definitely not still in love with him.

Could you possibly become the next wrong guy for her to be involved with? Years later and you're still not over a relationship that 'just fizzled out' doesn't really tally. Clearly it didn't just fizzle out for you, more for her. You also seemed to have kept close tabs on her and perhaps know too much about her, which is not too much of a stretch towards stalker-ish, obsessive behaviour.
Could it be that you were too much for her and she felt smothered? I have my concerns as you seem too intense about it.

All I can say it worked for me.Was with school sweetheart for 2 years then someone in his family got cancer and he became his dad's carer and we just drifted..12 years on I heard he had been looking for me so I found him in social media. Within half an hour we were chatting on the phone and met up next day after work. I never left and we married 31 days later and 4 kids and I'm so happy. I realise I also never got over him and also made a disasterous first marriage then stayed single after that one for 8 years before meeting now hubby again. I remember his mum saying at last your back he has been looking for you for years he just hadn't known my surname had changed, so my experience was all good

If you're both single go for it!

Yeah why not but if I were her I would want to know why you deleted me on social media so explain that to her when you see her in person.

I would, but with not expectactions and alsonfor friendship mostly.

why did your relationship fizzy out?

I would be cautious entering anything romantic

...nearly 10 years ago. We were young and in our early 20s back then

I've got news for you. You're still young 😉 don't waste it living in the past.

Totally go for it. The worst is she doesn't want to know. Good luck 😁

⬆️ this, but with the caveat that you only do so if you know 1000% you would never cheat on her if you got back together, sounds like she's already been through enough.