i need help.

[pukka]

dc driving me completely insane. then i yell at them, which upsets them and me. they ar 11, 6 and 5. we are all in a really bad place. trying to make happy moments doesnt work, because they start fighting, then i lose it at them, yell, and then everyone is upset.
they ar destructive, andrude toeach other. they yell at each other, (wonder where they learnt that from?) destroy everything. thehouse is a pigsty.
and to top it all of, dh is no longer being nassty to me. at least then i can hate him, and love the babies. but he is all understanding, and not reestnful, and patient. well, not patient, and he still works 24/7. but he is agaziillion times better than he used to be.
lots of places help you when you havebabies. no one wants to know abouthtis age group because it is suppoesd to be the easy one.

I don't think anyone sane would describe the kids in your age group as easy .

Things that helped me deal with my brood:

I gave them pocket money. It was something like 50p or a £1 a week (depending on age). They got it on a Friday - and in teh week leading up to pocket money day I would deduct 10p per "crime" - each deliberate wind-up of a sibling, each refusal to do what they were told, each fight started etc. SOme weeks they ended up with negative figures, but money is a great motivator and they did sort themselves out most of the time.

I did a Super Nanny thing of written house rules, so it was there in black and white, no room for debate, and breaking the rules = 10p off pocket money.

It does get better, trust me. Your DCs are at the perfect age for swirling hormones, pushing their luck, testing you - it won't always be like this.

it sounds like a good idea. but i am in such a negative place, i can olnly think of reasons why it wont work. my neck ache doesnt ehlp either.
right. i shall start the pocket money thing.

I am not fond of punishment as the way forward, tbh.

Have you read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk? Or Siblings Without Rivalry? They're by the same folks. Both quite distant from the sort of parenting I was raised with, but I find their techniques really work.

Relatively straightforward points for you - yes, they're learning rudeness and shouting from you. It's understandable that you sometimes lose your temper, everyone does, but if you apologise afterwards and talk about it, that's better for everyone.

If they have a dispute, where possible, say 'I can see that you want X, she wants Y, but you guys are very clever, I'm sure you can work it out nicely between yourselves.' Do NOT referee.